NEL Blog

Archive for October, 2007

by SteviePUA

Girls often go out in groups to bars and clubs. We know that. Who are these chicks? Well some are out for fun, some are out to drink, some for attention, some are out to dance and some are out to meet a guy. There could be a whole host of CONSCIOUS reasons in her mind for going out and although meeting a guy might not be consciously in her head as the reason for going out, an UNCONSCIOUS and powerful motivation for hitting the town that night is the social and sexual interaction that is possible. Think about it, if she really was JUST out to dance she could have stayed home and danced in her front room with a friend, a CD and a bottle of wine AND she would have saved a lot of money.

No, there are often unconscious psychological processes at work in our minds, and while she might not be able to recognise the forces that make her feel like going out, they are so often present pulling the strings and motivating our behaviour behind the scenes.

Of course there doesn’t have to be just one or two reasons, there are usually many.

What I want to recognise here is chicks very often have hooking up as either a conscious, or more likely, a unconscious motivating factor in their minds when they go out to bars and clubs. They might not recognise it as such and they may rationalise it to themselves by saying “I am just going out to dance”, but nevertheless, bigger forces can lie under the surface and these can be tapped into by the person with the right skills.

I mentioned before about chicks often going out in groups together. There exists a group dynamic between these chicks , a kind of “I’ll watch your back and you watch mine”. They know on some level that they are prone to doing crazy things like making out/having sex with a guy who they might later regret having done so, or who the societal matrix might disapprove of in the light of day. They can experience attraction spikes, see a tremendous opportunity or feel strong attraction with the result of shutting off parts of their self-censoring conscious minds when they are so excited.

This is similar to the way a guy’s brain, if a chance for sex is on the table, can shut off higher level processing in some way and he can do silly things like having sex without a condom just because the opportunity is there right in front of him and if he doesn’t take it then he might lose out and never get the chance again.

These kind of reactions in both men and women can be traced back, in all probability, to our evolutionary past. Chicks therefore, because of this shutting down of higher levels of their thinking which results in impusive behaviour, watch out for each other and can drag each other away from a guy who is clearly not up to the mark or who seems ‘dodgy’ but who is frying the chick’s circuits and seems to be doing well despite his apparent lack of fitness traits to the rest of the female group.

There exists a glitch to be exploited by the PUA, though. What if the friends’ reaction is wrong and they pull their friend away from this guy who might ACTUALLY be ‘all that’ despite not having the usual traits. Take a guy who is mega-rich and the guy is gaming a girl and her friends try to pull her away.

The friends saw a normal looking guy appearing to be doing well with someone who they judge as being of higher fitness (their girlfriend). Why should he be doing so well in their eyes?

They don’t know he is mega-rich. Therefore there has to be a sub-routine in the minds of the chicks which allows for the possibility of a guy who appears regular but who has hidden charms and high level fitness which is not initially apparent. Otherwise a rich guy might come along (or another guy with very high value) and they all lose out through not realising what he had to offer. This is the glitch and it is where group set theory comes into its own.

Think of two forces pulling on the target – one is the PUA and the other is the target’s friends. They want to protect her but also have to allow for the possibility of an amazing guy engaging her. How do they decide whether to pull the friend away?

1. They gather information themselves on the quality of the guy – how he looks, what he says, how he communicates, and how other people react to him.

2. They get an indication from their friend that this guy is someone she wants to be with and they should not cockblock him.

It is in displaying value and winning over the target, or ideally BOTH the target and the group that allows you the in-road to keeping going with the sarge and allows you to use the glitch in the societal matrix. Of course, one of the reasons for isolating the target is to avoid this kind of loyalty protection, but sometimes you need to face this loyalty issue just to get the isolation without interference.

When you are talking to a chick you like next time, think to yourself – what is the dynamic that this chick has with the rest of her group. How well does she know them? What kind of a bar or club are you in and how much protection is she likely to need – hint – in places like nightclubs which are reknown places for guys to go to PU chicks they are likely to have a greater emphasis on loyalty between group members but in more relaxed places like traditional pubs where people go after work to chat and relax there is likely to be less loyalty and protection between group members and therefore less of a dynamic for you to have to overcome.

Also think about the time of day or night you are engaging the group – late at night is almost always going to result in a stronger loyalty dynamic between the group unless they are crazy party girls who live life on the edge – often LSE types, by the way.

If you can overcome that loyalty that the friends of the target feel towards protecting the target from a guy they are unsure about then you are going places with the girl of your choice. Winning over the group becomes such an important ability to have then. If you can’t overcome that loyalty dynamic which is felt for the target by the group you’d better learn how to do group set theory if you want to do well with fast seduction as part of solid game.

Start thinking about the group loyalty dynamic.

SteviePUA

by SteviePUA

I want to outline a concept which is a technique I have used for years with great result. Much of what I do is intuitive. I know I do it but it’s hard to pin down in concrete terms. I pinned something down recently after some reflection. In coming up with effective, congruent uncanned material (on-the-fly) people often struggle because what they want to say doesn’t fit the situation and the person the are interacting with. To make an effective impact you have to take the person’s state into account. Therefore, if you are set in advance on using a canned script and it doesn’t quite match the situation and/or the state of the person you are dealing with, guess what happens? You come across incongruent or what you are saying doesn’t ‘go in’ well because it doesn’t fit with the state the person is currently in.

There is a technique I want to talk about. I call it “REPACKAGING”.

People ask me how I am able to stay congruent and make what I am saying fit with the situation. The reason is my real, genuine emotions – things I have felt in the past (and are hence congruent) get repackaged into new stories to fit the current situation. The feelings are real, the content to carry the feelings is new.

The benefit of this is clear. What you are saying has genuine congruence because as you reaccess those feelings you have had in the past, you re-experience those feelings again. You take on some of that emotional state again. It’s like dipping your brush into a paintpot and it emerges with the new tinge of colour ready to be spread onto the canvas. You reaccess those feelings and then you create a story to fit the current situation you are in. The story is the vehicle for those emotions. In telling that story, you are aiming to change the state of the person you are with. By telling the story you are ‘painting’ their mind with some of the colour of the emotions on your brush. The content of the story is designed to fit with what you know is likely to be acceptable to the person. Your story can be made up to fit the needs of the person. Your emotions behind the story are real and because your emotions are real your story is congruent. For the duration of your story, if you do this right, you will, on one level BELIEVE your story really happened. That allows you to be totally congruent.

So, the steps here are

1. notice (calibrate) the state of the person

2. decide where you want to take the person in terms of state. Be realistic about what is likely to be acceptable to that person.

3. Think of a time when you felt that state you want the person to feel.

4. Reaccess some of the feelings you had in that state

5. As you continue to feel those emotions, create a story to fit the current situation. The story is a vehicle to show the emotions you want the person to feel.

6. You pull the person into your world as you engage them and they get involved in the emotions behind the story which has been designed to interest them.

7. By repackaging your genuine emotions into a new, purpose-designed story, your content is congruent and you lead the person into the new state. Make it something positive and something to take you forward in your relationship with them.

Remember, the emotional communication (subcommunication) is the more important thing here.

SteviePUA

Sometimes, no matter how I am with a woman I’m not interested in, I’ll manage to get her attracted and give off huge signals that she has a chance with me. Now, I don’t always complain about this; my penchant for punching below my weight during ‘dry spells’ in order to get the ball rolling is a well documented fact. But there are times when I’m raising my standards, and it’s these exact times that the sharks move in.

In community parlance, they are known as orbiters. They are the female equivelant of what we used to be to girls before stumbled accross this game we now play. Yep; it’s girls who are more widely known as having orbiters. There was this one girl in one of my classes a couple of years ago at uni…she had THREE orbiters. She’s walking into a lecture, into the student bar…anywhere I saw her, they’re there, opening doors, full of smiles trying to out-ingratiate each other in voice and in manner. Actually made me vomit once.

Nah just kidding, but I did cringe intensely.

To be fair on the cocksuckers, she was extremely hot. So naturally, I made my attempt. While I never slept with her, I did get on well and we became friends. So when we saw each other we’d joke around, and have a bit of fun. Her orbiters? HATED me. Absolutely hated me. I would play to this by being overly polite to them, shaking their hands and so on, and they typically would not reciprocate. I knew they were sending vibes to the universe for pidgeons to fly into my eyes or something, but little did they know that exactly that attitude is what is making the fittie smile at me, not them: creating a negative spiral of hell.

Being as I used to BE that insecure guy, I think I can now see both sides of the story pretty well. The thing is, I’m a nice person and I don’t like spreading badness into the world. I won’t brush girls off or ignore them like other people of such awesomely high value as myself.

So because of this, these orbiter girls either…

a) they think they have a chance, they see my niceness as a sign I’m attainable, since another guy might not have been so cordial, or…

b) they see that I won’t brush them off and therefore know they can keep trying, and in the meantime we enjoy each others company so if nothing happens nothing is lost.

The a) girls I don’t bother with because for whatever reason (infatuation maybe?) they are not seeing the real situation: they actually think they might end up in a relationship with me! This may sound a little harsh to be putting it like this, but they DON’T have a chance, and we all have people around us who don’t have a chance with us, don’t we?

So it would hurt them just to sleep with them when I don’t want anything longer term…unless I can explain the situation and feel sure they are cool with it. The b) girls are true orbiters, in the a useful way. If I’m on a dry spell, I’ll go for these chicks. They know the deal on some level but nonetheless I will test the water by saying I’m not into relationships (bring this up subtly!), and give my reasons for that. I’m quite honest about that. Depending on the response to that, I am able to tell if they’re down for a one night stand.

But either way, what I NEVER do to girls is offer more than I am willing to give (eg., a relationship).

When playing orbiter game, managing expectations in this way is the most important part. They are already sufficiently attracted by definition.

You MUST to stick to your decisions. If you befriends a girl, you are FRIENDS. Stick to that. Friends are not orbiters… with friends who you see often, feelings may rise and fall depending on each of your circustances, but do not ruin this holy sacrement. It’s best to view any sparks that pop up as mutual state pumping, you’re just two attractive people making sure you don’t forget that.

I know that occasionally the friends become lovers thing happens, but that happens way down the line; not next week when you decide you want a fuck. So if a girl is your friend, that is the choice you have made and deal with it.

When you see the orbiters around, game a little, but do not escalate and do not use too much kino. It’s similar to when a girl has an orbiter; they guy is in that limbo zone where they get attention but not affection, which makes them want it more. I’m careful not to ‘lead on’ girls like this, because there’s the possibility of validating them; they should get their validations from you through sex. The pattern seems to be, you validate them and it opens a window, and if you don’t fuck it shuts and they’re not interested again.

So when you want to go for it with an orbiter, it’s pretty much a matter of just closing. All the prior work is done for you by definition. The following is a good opener, and sets the frame nicely:

“You better have missed me!”

Chat for as long as you deem necessary. Then say something like “I’m bored. Shall we go?”

If you don’t want to sleep with them, you can just be friendly, and get them to buy you drinks or introduce you to their friends.
Some people view orbiters as a bad and annoying thing. This is not the case at all. It means girls like you, which means you are doing well.

You know, there’s another thing. There are some chicks who I’ve met in a club… and seen her there many times after. They are not quite orbiters… we’ll chat and flirt a bit, but maybe she’s taken, or I’m with someone already or just too drunk. But there’s this strange understanding where we are not rude to each other, touch each other a little, then carry on our night. It’s almost like we are both keeping the window open in case there’s a night we’re both out and up for it. And then sometimes there is! Any one else notice this mutual “window keeping open”?

by SteviePUA

I have been asked me about uncanned material. Coincidently, I wrote about this a couple of days earlier to a guy asking about the same question. Part of being able to come up with things on the fly is training and trusting your unconscious to provide for you. For me I got tons of practice at my job of talking to people on the fly so that was a major help in being able to come up with things without having to think about them much. However, an accountant (I am NOT an accountant) could perhaps talk all day and bore people. The trick is to not only come up with stuff on the fly but also to make the subject matter you bring up seduction/PU oriented. Then when your unconscious provides for you, the stuff it comes up with is automatically in the right area for PU/getting closer to people.

One way I did this was to create a on-the-fly practice game involving cards. I used these to go from

1. Fluff

to

2. Theme

to

3. Pattern

There is a progression there from less personal to more personal. The aim (and this is indirect game) is to go smoothly into seductive/PU areas. Learning patterns off by heart and trancewords means I can pull out parts of them and slot them in to stuff I make up on the fly. Making this kind of speaking part of your everyday communication is important so you are not ‘doing something’, it is actually part of how you really think and speak.

Another thing I thought about which helps to be uncanned is what I have called “Threads of Possibility”. Here are my thoughts on this insight I had:

The secret is in training the unconscious mind to be able to link idea to other ideas as you are speaking. Think about when you are talking to someone, you not only have the ideas of what you are talking about, but you ALSO have other little threads of conversation which sit alongside the main thread. These are threads of possibility. Much of the time they never get explored.

When you are not scripting you have all the little threads which pop up but get shelved away usually because you are having a 50-50 conversation, so trying to meet the needs of the other person. Or you might be led BY the other person. Either way, your threads are dropped and remain unvoiced in the presence of the other person. Often they drop out of your consciousness forever or until sparked off by a related topic.

The secret is to explore these themes in the dominant frame of a PUA in the selling himself (creating value) stage where you are dominating in an elegant way, perhaps 70-30 or more. Then you make sure to get out these threads of possibility and getting them out triggers new threads of possibility.

The best way it works for me is to have a stock number of themes around which I can structure my stories and observations. I bring out ideas which I have experienced in life and take the emotions from those experiences and shift them into new stories and asides. Therefore there is congruence. I really am feeling some of what I felt in the past. It’s just that I perhaps repackaged them to fit the current situation – to make what I am saying ‘acceptable’ and likely to make an impact on the person it is targeted towards.

I think playing a practice game, either solo or with a partner, creating stories … noticing themes which you feel comfortable and are congruent with is a way to train your unconscious mind to provide for you. Then when out in the field you can fall back on these themes and repackage them to fit the context.

The openers I personally like best and find work for me best are situational/neutral entertaining openers – something shaped to fit the person I am talking with – something to put them at their ease and engage them and pull them into my world. To do this you need to start noticing things to comment on and packaging them in a way to engage the person, taking their current state into account.

By SteviePUA -
http://pua.zap.to