Archive for February, 2008
My Open letter to Game Haters
by sytaylor
To Whom It May Concern:
As the seduction community becomes more open and in the mainstream, it seems young men who are tying its techniques for the first few times are been crucified by the media and a large number within society. These guys who have never had success with women are being punished by society for trying to improve their lives. They are working hard to achieve a goal and the firs thing society does is turn around and say STOP. If they were advancing ANYTHING other than their success with women, we’d be all for it. If the community was a fashion community women would think its adorable… yet the seduction community is assumed to be full of tricksters.
I personally take offence with this view, I have never intentionally misled a woman I care about enough to sleep with. Nor shall I. Running routines is such a tiny part of what game is about, these guys have never talked to women before, how can they expect to “be themselves” and be successful with women. Yet this is seen as tricking a woman into bed, and something to watch out for. These guys have to learn somehow, they are the guys that couldn’t get a woman, and now someone gave them tools THAT WORK, and we turn around and tell them they’re wrong? This absurd, unfair and hypocrisy of the must unjust nature.
There is a belief in society that “who you are” cannot be wrong. Your opinions can be wrong, your beliefs can be but who you are is something you have to stay true to. Who you are can be a neurotic mess, but you should still “be yourself just not neurotic”, this is clearly absurdity. I am still me, I still feel the same emotions I just know how to handle social situations better. This doesn’t invalidate my emotions at all. The fact that these men are using a routine to pick someone up is the exact same as girls who make their boyfriends do stupid magazine tests. It is meaningless fun designed to show you a guy you would ordinarily not look at.
Women have long complained that they keep going for the wrong guy. So finally the guys who are right for them find a way to get the attention of attractive women, and how does society respond? It doesn’t like it one bit! What are we not supposed to rise above our physical station?! Not on my watch. These are the guys who haven’t had women their whole lives, these are the guys who can actually bring depth to a relationship. They are the most deserving on the planet they are TRYING HARD to overcome the crap YOU in society have forced down their throat. They WILL become successful whether you like it or not because this stuff WORKS. When they do, they will K-NOW that they don’t need routines ANYMORE because they have become someone who is CONFIDENT with women.
They will be being themselves when they have LEARNED HOW TO. Many people expect quiet and shy people to actually be like that deep down, to not have any real personality. This to me is society’s real crime. This is something society should be ASHAMED of. It has been forcing these guys the wrong message for decades, and now it tries to blame us for helping them? I don’t accept it. How come it is ok to learn how to progress in your career? It is ok to learn how to dress well? It is ok to learn how to be good at sports? Yet suddenly when we learn how to be good with women we become tricksters? This is pure hypocrisy
I will fight the corner of any guy who is the unfortunate recipient of negative comment or abuse for their efforts to improve their social life. I start with this letter.
To the Gents in the community just starting out. Do not let people who discourage you get you down or stop you. They don’t want you to be successful with women; they don’t believe it’s possible, but we know different. You can learn to share the beauty of a woman as a person and physically, and your life will be better for it. Long live routines, long live the game, long live The Game!
-sytaylor
Discuss this post in the NEL Forums.
Blog carnival worth looking at
www.darkgrin.com is a blog carnival, a sort of magazine based on seduction and personal development posts from the blogosphere. Worth checking out.
Failure and Rejection
There’s a common mindset that people have when they start learning to be good with women, which is the idea that they can do some studying or get some kind of shtick (how do you spell that?) which will eliminate rejection/failure completely. The ‘right’ way is learned, and the ‘wrong’ way that gets the undesired result will never happen. I thought I’d throw some ideas about that out, that’s what this post is about. There are several things wrong with this way of thinking:
1) Lack of character/confidence
2) Wrong orientation of results
3) Wrong interpretation of ‘failure’/Lack of knowledge about the process of learning a skill
4) State is key
I’ll go through these one by one.
1) Lack of character/confidence
If you’re concerned about doing something wrong, or what others think, you are automatically placing yourself one step below these people, who probably don’t care about you. If you open a set in a public place, get blown out, and someone is looking, would that bother you? With a strong character, it would not affect your state or frame…it would be like a bullet bouncing off robocop. Luckily, repeated exposure to this event (along with the correct interpretation of it), will assuage that response and eventually remove it. As will changing your thoughts… reframing negative interpretations of events into positive ones until it becomes automatic to do so. A strong character is undisturbed by failure, will take something positive from it (a learning lesson, motivation for future success), and keep pushing towards goals. A lack of character is intertwined with…
2) Wrong orientation of results
Your goal is not what you think it is. You think it is to talk to 10 girls today, or to get a kiss or whatever. But in actual fact, your goal is “not embarrass myself today and perform all my pick up activities within the umbrella of non-embarrasment.” Your focus is on what you don’t want to happen, rather than what you do, therefore such things that effect your goal are brought into your conscious attention, and given emotional relevance so that you notice them. You fix this by keeping in your focus the actual thing you want, short term and long term. Getting a result you don’t want is irrelevant, it is a small incident along your way to what you do want, and besides, you have a…
3) Wrong interpretation of failure/Lack of knowledge about the process of learning a skill
No one succeedes without failing along the way. No one has the easy rise to wherever they are. No one. This is a fact of life, but the difference between people that make it and those that do not is the way they interpret failure. Failure is not failure, it is feedback to guide you towards what you do want. It is a success in finding something a way that did not work. It is also data for your subconscious mind to assimilate, so that in similar instances in the future your instincts with be slightly more honed towards success. Think about another skill to illustrate this, say shooting 3 pointers in basketball. With every shot you miss, your mind assimilates the muscle activations and adds that data to the next shot you take. The bigger your ‘database’ is, the more accurate your shots are. However, what about those times when a basketballer (or any sportsperson), PUA or whatever is ‘off’ and keeps missing despite the large database?
4) State is key
The memories and information in your brain are linked to emotional states. The most productive one is the state of ‘flow’, which everyone knows of, and is also called being ‘in the zone’. This is the state in which you are most able to access the data you need from your brain; your lack of thought and analysis gives you free access while time seems to fly by. Once the basketball player takes a shock to his state (and it happens to the best at some point: people are not infallible), and moves out of flow, access to the database is inhibited, and access to other ones is opened, such as other times he lost state, which is not associated with a database for good performace. So back to PU, you take the above steps to removing this mindset, get into positive states, reframe etc, and start building experience. Your confidence grows and as you are in this state often, you can access your best skill, which makes your confidence grow etc. But at some point you’ll take a hit. The better pick up artists are the ones that can put the hits out of their minds, stop dwelling on them and start again (go to step 1).
OK just some ideas there which work for me and others. Any thoughts, comments, or advice of your own about changing this mindset into a positive, success seeking one? Anyone going to try this?