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Archive for the ‘Before Leaving the House’ Category

There’s a common mindset that people have when they start learning to be good with women, which is the idea that they can do some studying or get some kind of shtick (how do you spell that?) which will eliminate rejection/failure completely. The ‘right’ way is learned, and the ‘wrong’ way that gets the undesired result will never happen. I thought I’d throw some ideas about that out, that’s what this post is about. There are several things wrong with this way of thinking:

1) Lack of character/confidence

2) Wrong orientation of results

3) Wrong interpretation of ‘failure’/Lack of knowledge about the process of learning a skill

4) State is key

I’ll go through these one by one.

1) Lack of character/confidence

If you’re concerned about doing something wrong, or what others think, you are automatically placing yourself one step below these people, who probably don’t care about you. If you open a set in a public place, get blown out, and someone is looking, would that bother you? With a strong character, it would not affect your state or frame…it would be like a bullet bouncing off robocop. Luckily, repeated exposure to this event (along with the correct interpretation of it), will assuage that response and eventually remove it. As will changing your thoughts… reframing negative interpretations of events into positive ones until it becomes automatic to do so. A strong character is undisturbed by failure, will take something positive from it (a learning lesson, motivation for future success), and keep pushing towards goals. A lack of character is intertwined with…

2) Wrong orientation of results

Your goal is not what you think it is. You think it is to talk to 10 girls today, or to get a kiss or whatever. But in actual fact, your goal is “not embarrass myself today and perform all my pick up activities within the umbrella of non-embarrasment.” Your focus is on what you don’t want to happen, rather than what you do, therefore such things that effect your goal are brought into your conscious attention, and given emotional relevance so that you notice them. You fix this by keeping in your focus the actual thing you want, short term and long term. Getting a result you don’t want is irrelevant, it is a small incident along your way to what you do want, and besides, you have a…

3) Wrong interpretation of failure/Lack of knowledge about the process of learning a skill

No one succeedes without failing along the way. No one has the easy rise to wherever they are. No one. This is a fact of life, but the difference between people that make it and those that do not is the way they interpret failure. Failure is not failure, it is feedback to guide you towards what you do want. It is a success in finding something a way that did not work. It is also data for your subconscious mind to assimilate, so that in similar instances in the future your instincts with be slightly more honed towards success. Think about another skill to illustrate this, say shooting 3 pointers in basketball. With every shot you miss, your mind assimilates the muscle activations and adds that data to the next shot you take. The bigger your ‘database’ is, the more accurate your shots are. However, what about those times when a basketballer (or any sportsperson), PUA or whatever is ‘off’ and keeps missing despite the large database?

4) State is key

The memories and information in your brain are linked to emotional states. The most productive one is the state of ‘flow’, which everyone knows of, and is also called being ‘in the zone’. This is the state in which you are most able to access the data you need from your brain; your lack of thought and analysis gives you free access while time seems to fly by. Once the basketball player takes a shock to his state (and it happens to the best at some point: people are not infallible), and moves out of flow, access to the database is inhibited, and access to other ones is opened, such as other times he lost state, which is not associated with a database for good performace. So back to PU, you take the above steps to removing this mindset, get into positive states, reframe etc, and start building experience. Your confidence grows and as you are in this state often, you can access your best skill, which makes your confidence grow etc. But at some point you’ll take a hit. The better pick up artists are the ones that can put the hits out of their minds, stop dwelling on them and start again (go to step 1).

OK just some ideas there which work for me and others. Any thoughts, comments, or advice of your own about changing this mindset into a positive, success seeking one? Anyone going to try this?

by Wicked

I used to be needy and as well as negative about how people would react to me, especially women. What it guaranteed is that people didn’t want to interact with me creating a vicious circle and reinforcing my belief that it was my job, my hobbies, my clothes, my body, my conversational ability, etc being the reason why people didn’t want to be with me.

Imagine in a 5 minute interaction with a girl who has some choice of men. Saying stuff like ‘people never seem to want to meet up’ or checking that they aren’t going flake, or trying to ensure they don’t flake and all the rest or perhaps even being a little bit cold because you feel if you put too much energy/effort into it you’ll get disappointed – well it’s just guaranteeing that you’ll come across needy. Or trying too hard to monopolise attention, organise a day 2 ASAP, etc… Being negative isn’t good either for other reasons, but consider being needy. If it’s on your mind, you focus on it, telegraph it and it becomes self-fulfilling.

Needy isn’t good, it makes you do weird things as well as the whole stereotype that you’re going to be clingy / suffocating.

Get this… I was talking to a Spanish woman over the net for a few months to improve my Spanish and improve her English. She was low self-esteem and needy (telegraphed strongly by being completely adverse to being judged in any way, and appologising for the slightest inconvenience – eg. wasn’t able to give me full attention while she was working, or couldn’t reply to my MSN).

Now to me that suggests if I dated such a woman, she would be acting all strange or off with me the moment I talked to another woman, or would be worshipping the ground I walked on just in case I stopped liking her.

Well anyway, just after she comes back from a holiday she stops being so responsive. One of the reasons she is counciling a friend who is getting divorced. I tell her that she really doesn’t need to appologise all the time, if she can’t respond I know/respect she is busy. The next day there is a weird conversation about her not being in a good mood because someone wasn’t what she thought they were. And then she blocked me.

That is weird behaviour.

What actually happened I believe is that she was talking to her ex-husband (or they hadn’t fully separated). In a way I was filling in for him, and there were a lot of IOIs. He came back in the picture and now I’m no longer needed (or she feels that having me there will cause problems or make him jealous). Perhaps she was considering me as a replacement and had this fantasy that I would drop everything and just move over to Spain to be with her. This may have been shattered when I hadn’t been able to arrange a meet up with another Spanish friend of mine. She could have told me all of this. In fact she SHOULD have told me all of this, and I would have understood. But no, she acted strange and made it seem like it was my fault. She was making me feel bad, especially as I thought I had a good friendship and liked the company, yet it almost certainly wasn’t my fault.

That is why needy people get shunned. They don’t act normal.

If you start feeling the pangs of neediness or negativity get it out of your system. Talk about it to trusted friends or perhaps us, but then drop it. Focus on the positives and what you can do to get what you want, and you never know, you might actually get it.

by Wicked

This question seems so obvious that it doesn’t need asking. You want to be better with women, of course. But, if you go a little deeper than that and find out your real reasons, it’s going to benefit you. Not only will you’ll be more able to motivate yourself through KNOWING what motivates you, but this can actually affect the way you game and the results you get. Doubtful? Well NEL alumni Colonel will explain why this is, and ask you the questions you should be asking yourself.

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I was out on Saturday soing my usual thing, he was along for the ride as usual. He now has a GF so he doesn’t officially go sarging but he is excellent at keeping the sets entertained while I work on my target.

So I opened up a 2 set with some remarks about some of the weird people in the bar and the fact that she had a top on that I didn’t really like, my target is a HB7, we have a good convo and I knew that if I wanted to I could have escalated this thing and either got a day 2 or a shag.
My wing is keeping her friend entertained Instead I decide we are leaving, said bye, turned around and walk.

I actually liked this chick but it was early on, I didn’t get a number for use later? Why would I do this?

We saw the same chicks walk into the next bar and my wingman say’s, don’t speak to them, keep your head down.
He is cockblocking and the reason he is doing it is because he has a GF and thinks some of her friends may see us with these chicks, also because it’s early in the night he doesn’t want these girls with us all night which is understandable.

However, I listen to his bullshit and didn’t re-approach.

Later on another 2 set, another HB7. Again I know I can have this chick and yet again another ejection.

Later on again I am in a nightclub, my wing is at the bar and I am standing with 2 chicks that have been on my project list for some time. There’s a potential threesome or group sex situation, my wing knows this and in under these circumstances is playing along.

Then a random chick taps me on the shoulder, ‘will you fuck my friend’? I’m like who is your friend, she points her out, she’s a HB6, I say ‘do you want to fuck me’ she’s nods her head. I say ‘no thanks’ and turn round. What I should have done is said yes, grabbed her by the hand led her out of the club and fucked her.

The 2 threesome girls, I could have post-poned and they both know I have regular access to sex and go sarging every weekend. I have individually gamed each chick and both are individually keen, but I want the group scenario.

I then do a debrief the next day with my wing man and he says, “why did you eject on that first set and then not speak to them later”?
I said, “because you didn’t want me to speak to them”. He’s like “yes this is true but that was for my own selfish reasons if it was me I would have ignored you and gone for the f close”. He then said “I think the real reason is that you like gaming women and showing off and when you know you can fuck them you don’t see them as a challenge and walk off”

BANG right between the eyes! This was a staggering insight. I’m thinking he’s right. I only really go for the chicks that constantly shit test, who crave attention and validation and love drama. If they show less challenging patterns and I could fuck them, I walk.

He then mention an ex FB I had who almost became a GF “What about HBNurse you had as a fuck buddy, she was a complete drama queen, and yet you loved her shit-tests, constant drama and the fact that she framed herself as the prize. You loved dealing with the tests, creating your own drama and all the conflict and framing yourself as the prize, it was a real battle of wills and you both loved it”

I thought I was in this to fuck the maximum number of women but in actual fact I have been playing a different game and finding excuses not to fuck perfectly nice and attractive women and going for a mad challenge with some kind of mad chick!

Even when I was in Manchester a couple of weeks ago I realise now that I found and excuse not to F-close a chick when I blatantly could have done so. In hindsight It’s almost like I didn’t want to do it, which I am surprised about.

I am going to reframe my whole game to the ‘if you get the opportunity for sex then take it’

You would be amazed at what the difference between a HB6 and HB9 are once you have had sex with them and are lying next to them in the morning!
Why do women look so much less attractive AFTER sex??

So I am now re-examining my goals.

They were previously.

Approach chicks and game them, play around get their numbers and K close them, and then probably not call them. Occasionally fuck one of them even though you know you could fuck more. Have a fuck buddy or 2 in the background so if you need sex you can have it.
Wait for a massive challenge to come along and then rise to it and game her like you have never gamed before.

They are now.

Approach chicks and game them, play around get their numbers and k close them, f close them and day 2 them or whatever it takes to fuck them. Under no circumstances must I bamboozle myself or find excuses not to fuck them. Build up a large harem of fuck buddies or MLTR’s.
Then wait for a massive challenge to come along and then rise to it and game her like you have never gamed before.

I can’t deny to myself that I like challenging women. This must be part of my overall strategy.

So finally my question to you guys would be, why are you in the game? What are your goals?

Do you game women to show off to your friends/fellow PUA’s when you have no intention of fucking them?

Have you ever found yourself finding excuses NOT to f-close a woman when you can?

Are you guilty of not calling chicks that pretty much had nothing wrong with them? Sex is sex at the end of the day, Woody Allen once said, ‘even bad sex is good’ this is true in my opinion so why behave like that?

Sometimes you can frame yourself as the prize too much and as a result will become arrogant and dismiss opportunities for sex. I regret this.

What kind of chicks do you go for? What’s wrong with the others?

Colonel

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Thanks Colonel!