What does ‘tension’ suggest to you?

You’re probably thinking about an awkward pause in a conversation, the unbearable tension where you feel this weight on you. You’re riding it out because you’re an awesome guy but you can definitely feel it.

Let’s roll with this for a minute.

It’s really useful to understand that tension, and laughter, are linked. Imagine you hear a noise in your kitchen, slowly open the door, and – holding your breath – look inside. It’s just your cat trying to open a cupboard. You give out a little laugh and smile, you feel that tension disappear.

Laughter diffuses tension, it releases it.

When a friend says something a little too harsh, they’ll follow it with an awkward laugh. When no-one laughs at your joke and it goes silent, you laugh to fill in that void, to release the tension.

A little trick for you tonight. Roll up on a girl and say a harsh cocky-funny line with a straight face (without looking like a psycho), “It’s amazing what they can do with a fiver haircut”. I guarantee she’ll laugh.

You’re creating tension, and she laughs to diffuse it. There’s a careful balance to this, but try it out and you’ll see exactly what I mean. This is the reason straight-faced comedians like Jack Dee work, they create tension which we (the audience) diffuse with laughter.

Play around with this, but don’t overdo it. You’re basically tricking the girl into laughing, it doesn’t work over any period of time, and you’re going to make her feel awkward. It’s cool to see how this works, but it’s not the kind of thing I’d recommend for guys to seriously use. It’s more important that you see how all this works.

As well as using tension to generate laughter, you can use laughter to release tension.

Say you’re running a set and it’s going great, but the conversation’s slowing down and it’s starting to get a little awkward. Tension is being created. By cracking a joke you both laugh and it releases that tension, you don’t feel as awkward now and neither does she.

When you get a good grasp of this, you can use laughter as a controller on tension, and vice-versa.

Here’s another side note on tension, tension is linked to the strength of a frame. You know those awkward pauses? Whoever can handle a silent pause the longest without saying anything or defusing the tension, ‘wins’ the frame. They display having the stronger frame.

Imagine the difference between her laughing while you keep a straight face, and you laughing whilst she keeps a straight face.

When you’re mid-conversation with some girls and there’s a pause, ride it out. Filling that gap or diffusing the tension shows you’re affected by it. Being able to ride it out however shows you don’t place too much on the conversation and looks all kinds of good.

Being able to comfortably ride tension is an amazing skill to have.

(For more about humour and tension I’d recommend David DeAngelo’s “Cocky Comedy” DVDs)

Awkward pauses however, are only one side of it. We also have sexual tension.

Sexual tension is pretty much the same as the regular kind. It’s linked to laughter (which releases some of its effect) and can be messed with the same way.

However, you want to handle sexual tension the total opposite to normal tension.

Sexual tension is great, it’s that brief pause where you look into the girl’s eyes just before the kiss. It’s the promise of sex without the action. Girls fucking love this and you should learn to enjoy it too. Being able to genuinely enjoy and revel in sexual tension will help you out so much.

On a side note foreplay doesn’t begin with you touching her, it begins with the build-up of sexual tension. The bigger the build up, the bigger the release (I.e. better sex).

The more sexual tension you can create the better.

With standard tension sometimes it gets too much and you want to release it a little with laughter. With sexual tension you don’t want to release it, and therefore why you want to limit the laughter and pissing around.

If you create a ton of sexual tension then keeping joking around, it’s going to undo all that. You’ll ruin the mood.

So you ratchet up the sexual tension and don’t release it. You purposefully avoid humour and the release of that tension. You’re making tension work for you.

Bear this in mind if you’re going the sexual state route. For those of you not familiar GunWitch has some pretty cool stuff on this (although I do disagree with some of the other points he makes). You literally imagine yourself banging a girl right there and then, and put yourself in that sexual mindset. Your voice gets deeper, you develop ‘bedroom eyes’ and  have that sly little smile. Also, you project your own – sexual – state onto her, and she starts feel horny for no apparent reason.

Sexual state is a great way to start building tension, and if you throw any humour in it’s going to diffuse this. Of course there’s always times to break this, and you might want to tone down the sexual tension a bit if it’s too much for her or the timing’s wrong.

Ultimately be aware that laughter diffuses tension, whether it’s standard, awkward or the sexual kind. How you want to play with it, is entirely up to you.

Author Bio-
Having been a professional bitch of 19 years, Ty discovered the community in 2006. When not drunkenly sleeping with girls from his work, his interests include computer games, movies and colouring-in books. Ty prefers a more natural style of game, with a strong emphasis on fun and a healthy dose of cocky-funny.

Hey guys, had a day 2 last wednesday night with a 25 yr old girl I met in Chester a few weeks ago. She lives in Crewe which is about an hour on the train from Manchester. Usually I wouldn’t bother travelling so far for a day 2, but since I’d been flaked on by a chick with an angry boyfriend this week, I thought I’d go and see this girl. Here’s what happened:-

THE MEET UP

She met me at the station, got into her car and we drove to Sandbach, a nearby town, to find a venue for a drink and something to eat. I just made small talk in the car at first and kept myself in a talkative, high-energy mood.

THE FIRST VENUE

We had a light meal in a bar/eating place, not a really fancy place but a nice casual environement where we could chat and be relaxed. I don’t usually have meals on day 2s, but there can be expections. NEVER go to an expensive restaurant for a day 2, but a relaxed bar that happens to serve food is ok.

So we chatted for a while, just started talking about what we’d been up to recently, then the usual questions about where we live, family, work, career aspirations etc. Got her laughing and busted on her for being so healthy and ‘prim and proper’ – I told her I bet she had a naughty side that was waiting to be let out, she seemed to love this kind of flirting! The conversation got round to deeper, more personal topics, but I maintained the self control not to reveal TOO much about myself all at once.

KINO

I decided to test her sexual interest level by kinoing her (made an excuse to touch her hands by asking to look at her ring). She responded well, so I knew she was up for it.

WHO PAYS FOR THE DRINKS/MEAL?

This was solved easily – when the food bill arrived she just said ‘let’s just pay half each’. That’s the best way to deal with it in my opinion.

VENUE CHANGE

We went to another bar and talked more. By this time we were flirting way more, putting sexual innuendo into the conversation, and kinoing like mad.

ANOTHER LOCATION CHANGE

The more location changes on a day 2 the better! This gives the illusion you’ve been together longer. I suggested going for a walk after we left the second bar. She said there was a nice country track that we could drive to, so we got in the car and drove there. It was an old disused railway track, and since the weather was good it was perfect. As soon as we got out of the car she went to hold my hand so I knew immediately that the first kiss was imminent. We walked for half a mile or so, then stopped to look at some horses. I made an excuse to be face to face with her, put my arm round her waist, looked her in the eyes and leaned in a kissed her. To be honest she wasn’t the best kisser, but it was ok. Is it me, or do women stop using tongue on kisses once they get into their 20s? Personally I love the ‘frantic tongue kisses’ that teenage chicks (16-19yr olds) do, why don’t older chicks kiss like that?

ISOLATION TO SEX VENUE

After the kiss we were walking back to her car and I mentioned I had an hour or so before my train home, and that I HAD to get that train otherwise I’d be stranded. Once back in her car I wanted to go back to her place, but didn’t want to ask directly as that’d kill it. So I just said ‘hmm, I’m thinking what to do now…I’ve got an hour til my train’, and she replied ‘i’d invite you round for a cup of coffee but I have no milk’. sensing my opportunity, I said ‘it’s ok, I don’t take milk anyway, I suppose I’ll have time for a quick cup of coffee before my train’. So we drove to her house.

AT THE SEX LOCATION

So we get to her house, I comment on how tidy it is, just keep talking etc while she makes the coffee. Next we sit on her sofa, casually watching tv, I kino her by hand holding and putting my hand on her thigh, then get closer to her and turn to face her more. Nerves started to kick in because I KNEW a shag was on the cards, so I started kissing her and jesus she literally raped me on the spot! The kissing got more frantic and lots of body fondling occurred. Easily managed to get her top and bra off, she took my shirt off, and so on. Upper body fondling continued and she was loving it….

LAST MINUTE OBJECTIONS

….I THOUGHT this must be a shag, but when I went to undo her trousers she said ‘they’re fine as they are’. It was getting close to my train time, but we were still frantically fondling each other, and I can’t remember exactly what was said next but we ended up not doing any more stuff and getting ready to leave and go to the train station. We got in her car and she drove me to the station. We kissed in her car about 4 times and she was like ’see you soon, tonight was fun!’. So I left in a good mood but a bit disappointed that I didn’t finish the shag off.

SHE TEXTED ME ON THE WAY HOME

As I was waiting for my train I got a text from her saying she had enjoyed the night, she thought I was a decent guy and that I’m welcome to stay over any time I like. She also said that I could’ve stayed that night but she didn’t wanna give off too keen signals. Also, she said she wanted to see me again and possibly venture with strawberries and cream next time (private little joke we had!)

- Guitar_Whizz

Discuss this post in the NEL forums.

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Right this has taken up my lunch hour so you’d better read it!

I have recently been asked on my advice on about day 2’s, what to do, how to behave and how to escalate etc. A lot of the guys are getting numbers with increasing frequency and arranging them.
Most people have previously found their GF’s in social circle and won’t have done this before. In the last 2 years I would estimate that I have been on around 50 day 2’s.

There’s tonnes of stuff on PU but hardly anything on this element of game so here goes……

I am going to write a few guidelines on what to do/how to behave and how to escalate on a day 2.

Now there are a few things I should say here.

The first thing you should always go for is to move venues with her after isolation, and then you have an ‘instant day 2′ This is a fantastic opportunity to strike while the iron is hot and go for the F-close on the first day.

If you are forced into getting her number and moving on, you must make it clear that you are getting her number in order to arrange a date with her and say you will call her with the details of the meet up. YOU MUST get her agreement that this is why she is giving you her number! This makes number closing solid all round and prevents this ‘validation texting’ that women seem to love doing for 3 or 4 days after a Saturday night, with absolutely no intention of ever going on a date with you.

Another point is that more than 1/2 of the day 2’s I go on I never go any further with, the chemistry isn’t right or whatever but expect that this may be the case with yours. Also remember that you are the one that chooses whether you will or won’t going on another- you are the prize after all!

Finally the other thing with day 2’s is clearly knowing yourself what you want from this, is it sex and to move on? Is it an FB or is it and LTR/MLTR? It is very easy for her to assume BF/GF frame from the beginning, and some of the things below may lead to this frame so be careful. It’s obvious which ones do lead to that. If she has you in this frame she may want to make you wait several dates before sex to increase the chances of you becoming BF. More on this later in troubleshooting.

WHAT TO DO

OK So let’s assume you have set up the meet, here are a few ideas that can work for a day 2.

Shopping for clothes for you- always a winner
Visiting a local art gallery
Visiting any local tourist attraction
Going for a walk (for me this can be awesome considering where I live but every city has nice parks and shit)

The idea behind the above is doing an activity together, women really love that shit and it shouldn’t be underestimated. It also provides a good thread and topic of conversation throughout. I am interested in art so if I can take a chick to an art gallery and talk intelligently about some paintings, she will be impressed.

Going for a coffee, probably better done after one of the above activities but still absolutely fine

Going for an alcoholic drink- this can be a winner if you are within walking distance of your or her home!

Venues for day 2’s as has been mentioned before are better if they are closer to one or others of your homes but it can’t always be done due to logistics.

HOW TO BEHAVE

Right, you can forget about all of your routines because they are only good for a few minutes and you may be spending 3 or hours with this woman- you need to convey your personality to her. The single most important advice I can give you is BE YOURSELF.
Most people on this forum are well educated and pretty worldly wise, everybody on this forum has a more interesting life than 99% of chicks (who primarily shop, gossip, go for beauty treatments, and watch TV) so you should have some interesting shit that is going on in your lives to tell her about.

Me personally, I bust them and take the piss out of them and just have a lot of fun, I also tell them funny stories about my past. I have a repertoire of about 6 or 7 that seem to go down well, you MUST have your own material.

Lots of questions will come from her about your job, your family (particularly relationships with mother and sister), your loyalty, what you think of kids, whether you are kind/generous and your aspirations & ambitions etc. These are all classic questions and don’t worry about them it’s normal and they are not shit tests. Answer them honestly.

Going further on with the ambition/aspiration thing, this is something that you should be going on about a fair bit, women like ambitious men a lot. It doesn’t have to be about making money, you may be a teacher and want to become the best you can be, you may be a musician or a writer or any number of other things, it really doesn’t matter as long as you are passionate about it!

It is OK to talk about sex, what it’s not OK to talk about is you having sex with her. This is a massive no no.
I usually manage to get the subject round to sex and talk about it in a natural, matter of fact way. Women like men to be sexual without being perverted or dropping hints towards them. A confident man can carry this off without any problem, if you are not confident in discussing sex with women openly then do not discuss it.

Be polite and gracious, be a gentleman, treat her well and make her feel good about herself, make her feel special but don’t put her on a pedestal though.
Let her talk about things that interest her or things that are topical, Big brother is a good one if you watch at the moment, all the chicks do.
Using Big Brother as an example you can then move this on to questions like, why do all the girls fancy Pete (which at the beginning none would have even considered it!)?
You can then move this on to ‘What type of guy do you go for’, ‘what’s the most important thing in a man’ and then you can ’sell’ these qualities in yourself back to her later on- therefore eliciting value.

I think it is also important to screen women and make sure you do. Make sure they are aware that you are screening her and are being selective about who you go out with, this shows that you value yourself.
Her screening questions are about your family, job and background etc. These are less important to men but you should have your own questions. My fears when it comes to chicks are neediness, attention seeking, game playing and general freakishness so my questions are geared towards this.
Look to what you want and ask your questions.

HOW TO ESCALATE

Ideally you will have already k-closed her during the first meet, if this is the case it will be straightforward so as early as possible you need to be giving her plenty of kino. Perhaps you could hold her hand and then as Dave D says say ‘this is too early to be holding hands’ and let go. This will make it seem like she is the one making all the running.

So plenty of kino and plenty of good eye contact.

I would highly recommend that you read Gunwitch’s ’sexual state’ in the advanced section of his ebook.

In essence his idea is that in order to get a woman into a sexual state you give her the bedroom eyes and your bedroom voice (which is the same as if you were talking to her after you have fucked her) and act in a sexy way without talking directly about sex, this will make her think in a sexual way herself.

His analogy is walks like a duck, talks like a duck, IS a duck, so walk and talk in a sexy way and you are sexy and she will feel sexual towards you.

I can’t tell you the right moment to go for the k-close but it should be way before the end of the date. If it is then you have a good chance of escalating to the point where you can suggest a venue change, back to yours perhaps for a couple of drinks or to see your pannini sticker album or whatever the fuck it is. Definitely don’t say do you want to come back to my place and leave it at that. Give her a reason to come that is not sexual and she will come.

You may end up just having a couple of hours together on the day 2 and have to go for a day 3, if this is the case don’t worry as long as you fuck her in the end you have achieved your goal. If it gets to day 4 (or the 3rd date in her eyes) and you haven’t it’s not looking good but isn’t necessarily a lost cause.

Good day 3’s are meals/DVD’s at your place or saying ‘lets go out on Friday night and get drunk’ both lead to sex that night in my experience.

TROUBLESHOOTING

I don’t fuck on first dates (remember your day 2 is her first date with you)

Tricky but you should have conveyed a sexual state from the beginning, you may have tried to escalate too quickly or a million other things. It happens regularly, don’t worry too much about it, go for day three if you want to, then eject.

I won’t have sex with you until after the nth date.

This again is her putting you in BF mode which is fine if that’s what you want. This is more of a shit test and should be answered with the following response. ‘I hope you don’t mind me dating other women until such a time that you do want to have sex’

Sex Venue.

You must have one planned, every time you go out sarging as well as for a day 2. Enough said.

I’m not a slut.

Same as above really, I always say to women ‘in my eyes there really is no such thing, haven’t you noticed that the main group of people that call women sluts are other women. Have you ever noticed that’?

This is diamond material. If you have her in isolation already then she will think to herself, this guy is right so I trust his judgement, I am more likely to sleep with him now than I was 5 minutes ago.

Hope this helps!

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Cheers Colonel. BTW the Gunwitch product method has since upgraded to an audio program, mystically named “The Way of Gun”. If you’re interested in that program, please use this link:

Way of Gun