Sometimes you can talk to similar kinds of girls, but it’s like you’re two different people. On some occasions you roll up, bust out your choice line, and it just doesn’t go anywhere. You can feel it, it’s like there’s no energy to the conversation. It’s gone flat.

But then sometimes it’s just pure Harry Potter magic. You say one thing and it’s got her attention straight away, you follow up with something else equally awesome and she’s sold. Then it builds and builds and you’re on fire.

It’s all in how you start the conversation.

Now I’m not talking first impressions here. This is about you and your brain, not her. I’m talking about the kind of vibe you’re starting with.

If you start by asking boring questions/making boring statements, leaving any and all fun out of the conversation to begin with, you’re handicapping yourself, but not for the most obvious reasons. Not only are you handicapping yourself right now, but you’re also handicapping the rest of the conversation with this girl.

You see how you start is how you go on. Going with the above and being boring, your brain picks up on this. It thinks “hmm okay, time to be boring” and everything else you say from this point on is pulled from this side of your brain. Later on when you think of something to say, it’s coming from this boring part of your brain because that’s how you’ve set it up.

Now let’s roll through take two. You catch the eye of some young lovely lady who you’re 90% sure is over 16, and open with one of your best cocky-funny lines. What happens now is you set your brain up a different way, it now think “Alright, time to party!” and you’re now accessing this fun part of your brain.

Basically what you’re doing is starting the conversation the right way, not for her benefit, but for yours. Instead of starting with boring small talk and going down that route, you’re starting with something fun and going down that route instead.

However you start, your brain follows. Always better to set it up the right way (which is why I’m such a fan of pissing around, having fun).

Of course, this is a general rule and not a hard-and-fast one.

For starters, an interaction can always go one way or another. How many times have you started strongly only to mess it up at the least minute? And likewise how many times have you pulled off something awesome from nowhere?

The flow of a conversation can change at any point, and more often than not it’s far from straightforward. Starting a conversation the ‘wrong’ way isn’t a deal breaker, I’d consider it more of a handicap. You can start with boring spiel and do fine, but you’ll tend to get sucked into a boring way of thinking and struggle conversation-wise.

Why make things harder for yourself? If you’re gonna choose between two doors/paths, go for the easier, fun one. Make life that little bit easier for yourself.

Also, much like state, you don’t want to get into a habit of not approaching because things aren’t going the right way. Too often we think “no I’m not state in yet”, and there’s a similar risk with this.

Whatever happens, you still need to do your approaches.

Look, a fun conversation is always better than a boring/standard one, but a boring one is miles better than no conversation, stood with your dick in your hand.

Awesome conversation >> standard conversation >> no conversation >> sitting at home on Face book

One final point.

By “start of the conversation”, I mean in general. I don’t literally mean the first thing that comes out your mouth. I mean early on rather than right away, the earlier you bust out the fun mindset and get it up and running, the easier things will be.

Think of it like kino, the earlier you use it, the better.

That’s all there is to it. Start with the right kind of vibe, and you’ll make what follows that much more easier, fun and awesome.

Author Bio-
Having been a professional bitch of 19 years, Ty discovered the community in 2006. When not drunkenly sleeping with girls from his work, his interests include computer games, movies and colouring-in books. Ty prefers a more natural style of game, with a strong emphasis on fun and a healthy dose of cocky-funny.

Going ‘under the radar’ is very powerful because it helps avoid any objections. Gaining influence indirectly over someone is a process with many strands. One of these strands is the ‘foot in the door’ mechanism, which I use as a variation of pacing and leading.

Let’s say you want someone to do something or to think in a particular way. It is powerful to begin by saying or doing something which is acceptable to them. Don’t go for the bigger result immediately. Give them something they can readily accept. Once a small request has been granted, it is far easier to then progress to a bigger request. The opposite approach to this (which can work well too) is to go for a bigger request than the one you really want, and when that is refused, you then give your actual (smaller) request which is then seen as much more acceptable in comparison to the big request.

Pacing and leading works similarly to ‘foot in the door’ – you say something which can be verified as being true in that person’s experience. You follow this up with something else and something else (also verifiable) and then add in something (your suggestion) which may or may not be quite so verifiable. Because your previous statements were seen as true and were accepted, the tendency is for the person to accept the suggestion. As a person is thinking about these ideas and reading the articles that I have written, you can notice the environment around you and begin to realise how powerful this knowledge can be when used in the right circumstances. That lets you notice that sense of curiosity and wanting to find out more. See?

This becomes even more powerful when the suggestions you use are initially easily acceptable and are amped up once the foot in the door has been gained. It is about gaining leverage into the person’s way of thinking.

Other ways of gaining leverage can come from being seen as an authority, or from showing remarkable insight, understanding and connection with how the person sees the world. The latter largely depends on well-developed calibration skills. If your calibration skills are excellent, you can accurately read how the other person is thinking and feeling about you. This can allow you to pre-empt any objections before they are consciously voiced or before they become set in stone in the person’s conscious mind.

Quite often I see people unconsciously displaying the beginnings of an objection to my leading or suggestions, and because I catch these objections before they become properly formed (thus avoiding battling the ‘consistency agenda’ people feel they should stick to), I am able to avoid the objection. How do you avoid the objection? As soon as you see the beginnings or doubt or objection being displayed non-verbally, you soften your request and slide into vaguer language – looking again for a ‘bite’.

A bite is the opposite of the unconscious objection. I also think of it as a ‘hit’. This is when the person displays (usually non-verbally) that you have said something which has had a big impact. It shows you have found something of importance to that person – a potential in-road to their mental/emotional world. This comes from displaying an understanding of how they see the world.

Look, most people move through life feeling rather lonely and not understood. If you can enter that person’s life in way which is enjoyable and acceptable to them and display rare insight into what is important to them, then you become one in a million and your value skyrockets. That gives tremendous leverage. The fact that you have gained this leverage from your calibration skills and not from the usual methods people use (such as asking direct questions) adds to how remarkable your understanding of them seems – this increases your connection and leverage cumulatively.

-SteviePUA

www.steviePUA.com

Discuss this post in the NEL Forums.

I want to outline a concept which is a technique I have used for years with great result. Much of what I do is intuitive. I know I do it but it’s hard to pin down in concrete terms. I pinned something down recently after some reflection. In coming up with effective, congruent uncanned material (on-the-fly) people often struggle because what they want to say doesn’t fit the situation and the person the are interacting with. To make an effective impact you have to take the person’s state into account. Therefore, if you are set in advance on using a canned script and it doesn’t quite match the situation and/or the state of the person you are dealing with, guess what happens? You come across incongruent or what you are saying doesn’t ‘go in’ well because it doesn’t fit with the state the person is currently in.

There is a technique I want to talk about. I call it “REPACKAGING”.

People ask me how I am able to stay congruent and make what I am saying fit with the situation. The reason is my real, genuine emotions – things I have felt in the past (and are hence congruent) get repackaged into new stories to fit the current situation. The feelings are real, the content to carry the feelings is new.

The benefit of this is clear. What you are saying has genuine congruence because as you reaccess those feelings you have had in the past, you re-experience those feelings again. You take on some of that emotional state again. It’s like dipping your brush into a paintpot and it emerges with the new tinge of colour ready to be spread onto the canvas. You reaccess those feelings and then you create a story to fit the current situation you are in. The story is the vehicle for those emotions. In telling that story, you are aiming to change the state of the person you are with. By telling the story you are ‘painting’ their mind with some of the colour of the emotions on your brush. The content of the story is designed to fit with what you know is likely to be acceptable to the person. Your story can be made up to fit the needs of the person. Your emotions behind the story are real and because your emotions are real your story is congruent. For the duration of your story, if you do this right, you will, on one level BELIEVE your story really happened. That allows you to be totally congruent.

So, the steps here are

1. notice (calibrate) the state of the person

2. decide where you want to take the person in terms of state. Be realistic about what is likely to be acceptable to that person.

3. Think of a time when you felt that state you want the person to feel.

4. Reaccess some of the feelings you had in that state

5. As you continue to feel those emotions, create a story to fit the current situation. The story is a vehicle to show the emotions you want the person to feel.

6. You pull the person into your world as you engage them and they get involved in the emotions behind the story which has been designed to interest them.

7. By repackaging your genuine emotions into a new, purpose-designed story, your content is congruent and you lead the person into the new state. Make it something positive and something to take you forward in your relationship with them.

Remember, the emotional communication (subcommunication) is the more important thing here.

SteviePUA

I have been asked me about uncanned material. Coincidently, I wrote about this a couple of days earlier to a guy asking about the same question. Part of being able to come up with things on the fly is training and trusting your unconscious to provide for you. For me I got tons of practice at my job of talking to people on the fly so that was a major help in being able to come up with things without having to think about them much. However, an accountant (I am NOT an accountant) could perhaps talk all day and bore people. The trick is to not only come up with stuff on the fly but also to make the subject matter you bring up seduction/PU oriented. Then when your unconscious provides for you, the stuff it comes up with is automatically in the right area for PU/getting closer to people.

One way I did this was to create a on-the-fly practice game involving cards. I used these to go from

1. Fluff

to

2. Theme

to

3. Pattern

There is a progression there from less personal to more personal. The aim (and this is indirect game) is to go smoothly into seductive/PU areas. Learning patterns off by heart and trancewords means I can pull out parts of them and slot them in to stuff I make up on the fly. Making this kind of speaking part of your everyday communication is important so you are not ‘doing something’, it is actually part of how you really think and speak.

Another thing I thought about which helps to be uncanned is what I have called “Threads of Possibility”. Here are my thoughts on this insight I had:

The secret is in training the unconscious mind to be able to link idea to other ideas as you are speaking. Think about when you are talking to someone, you not only have the ideas of what you are talking about, but you ALSO have other little threads of conversation which sit alongside the main thread. These are threads of possibility. Much of the time they never get explored.

When you are not scripting you have all the little threads which pop up but get shelved away usually because you are having a 50-50 conversation, so trying to meet the needs of the other person. Or you might be led BY the other person. Either way, your threads are dropped and remain unvoiced in the presence of the other person. Often they drop out of your consciousness forever or until sparked off by a related topic.

The secret is to explore these themes in the dominant frame of a PUA in the selling himself (creating value) stage where you are dominating in an elegant way, perhaps 70-30 or more. Then you make sure to get out these threads of possibility and getting them out triggers new threads of possibility.

The best way it works for me is to have a stock number of themes around which I can structure my stories and observations. I bring out ideas which I have experienced in life and take the emotions from those experiences and shift them into new stories and asides. Therefore there is congruence. I really am feeling some of what I felt in the past. It’s just that I perhaps repackaged them to fit the current situation – to make what I am saying ‘acceptable’ and likely to make an impact on the person it is targeted towards.

I think playing a practice game, either solo or with a partner, creating stories … noticing themes which you feel comfortable and are congruent with is a way to train your unconscious mind to provide for you. Then when out in the field you can fall back on these themes and repackage them to fit the context.

The openers I personally like best and find work for me best are situational/neutral entertaining openers – something shaped to fit the person I am talking with – something to put them at their ease and engage them and pull them into my world. To do this you need to start noticing things to comment on and packaging them in a way to engage the person, taking their current state into account.

By SteviePUA -
http://pua.zap.to