Unless you have absolutely no problem approaching, in which case you already have a trait most people would consider that of a natural, then you will by now be well aware of that feeling the community refers to as Approach Anxiety. The feeling can verge from stifling to paralytic, and the logical arguments the brain makes up come in all kinds of forms – “I don’t have enough energy”, “I’ll do it in a minute”, “They look like they are not out to pull/have boyfriends/other random disqualifier reason”. The truth is you can only find out what the deal with a chick is by talking to her.

Here are ten tips for becoming a prolific approacher.

1. Always be prepared to have to face and overcome AA

There is no way to diminish AA fast – literally there really is no magic pill. It is caused by deep rooted emotional circuitry in your brain; these habits change slowly and die hard. Forget any dreams of defeating your AA in weeks or even months – it takes years of field work (often agreed to be approximately 2-5 years of regular approaching). Over time the feeling gradually diminishes, but even some of the best PUAs in the world have to still overcome, or “barrel-through”, the feeling to make it happen.

Getting caught “off guard” by AA is a common mistake that me and many of my wings used to make. After having a prolific night of approaches we would go out another night and expect to be in the same mode as the night before, but it’s just not the case. Go in prepared to have to overcome your AA every night you go out, that way you won’t get caught up time-wasting.

2. Warm-ups

There is no doubt that just approaching strangers and asking shit diminishes your AA in the short-term. Even dumb questions like “What’s the time?” or “Can you tell me where the nearest cash-point/coffee shop/bar is?” But you should be able to coax yourself into approaching just by telling yourself that you’ll just be asking a quick easy normal question. A great time for warm-ups is whilst walking to your sarging spot/venue –best to do them before you get there so that by the time you arrive you are already in approach mode.

3. Rejections

Brad P said that nothing kills his AA for the rest of the night than a good solid rejection early on. This is a great mindset to have, so instead of being afraid of an early rejection you should embrace the opportunity. Take hold of the freedom that a horrid rejection presents you with – the worst of the night is over.

4. Time-limit challenges.

If you haven’t done any approaches in the night yet, give yourself 5 minutes to approach. Tell your wing so that you put extra weight behind your commitment. Over the next 5 minutes do not allow yourself to be too distracted by anything else, look for every opportunity to get into set – you’ll find one.

5. Pump your state

There’s no doubt that if you’re in a good mood and high energy state that approaching is much easier. This is a technique I use a lot and there are plenty of ways to achieve it; for example doing really loud animal impressions with each other, just generally whooping and creating a fuss, dancing around, etc. Basically pump your own, and your wing’s, buying temperature and then plough straight into a set when you feel high energy.

6. Enjoy your time in set

When I am in set, 99% of the time I am the guy having the most fun. I am having more fun than the guys, more fun than the girls. I go in set, and basically entertain myself, flirt, play around, banter, tell stories, I love it. There are a few reasons why this is awesome – not the least of being that it helps to associate those positive feelings with the anchor of approaching.

7. Do a few shots

I can just imagine a few people recoiling in disgust at this comment. There’s no doubt that ultra-confident totally sober dude holds all the aces. However, that’s an ideal and it’s far from the reality of most people. If you do like to drink on a night out, rather than having 4 beers over the course of 5 hours; do 3 quick shots in the space of 5 minutes right at the start of the night. You will get an immediate energy boosts which will allow you to immediately start a chain of approaches to kick-start the sarge. I’ve used this technique many times – and it’s a well known method to naturals.

8. Think up some openers you feel COMFORTABLE with which YOU enjoy

It’s important to emphasise that it is you that should feel comfortable with, and be entertained by, your canned openers. Because it’s really only your own reaction to them that matters, what you’re saying to the girls is almost completely unimportant as long as it’s something you find fun/cool/comfortable to say. A few of mine I’ve used over the past few months:

“Woah! Are you a rock-chick?” (emo-kid/indie-girl/raver)

They almost always say “no” but then you can easily steer them into qualification mode.

“Would you say that guys with tongue piercings are better at giving oral sex?”

I love this one because it’s instantly sexual, and I personally love giving oral sex so my eyes kinda light-up when I talk about it. Girls love that.

“Please tell me you guys would not think of cardigans/hoodies/gold-chains/whatever as a timeless classic…”

A very ‘safe’ opener with no obvious transitions; but usually spikes a little bit of interest due to the ear-catching “timeless classic” phrase (cred: Big T).

9. Negative wing motivation.

This is a great method. Your wing gives you 10 seconds to approach (he COUNTS on his fingers and looks menacing), if you don’t do it then he goes up to the chick and says something along the lines of:

“Hey… I just wanted to tell you that my typically average guy friend over there has seen you and fallen madly in love because he thinks you’re really beautiful. He is actually far too afraid to come and talk to you so he’s just going to stand over there and be scared and shy instead.”

This is great for a few reasons. First of all the embarrassment of knowing what’s to come will often make you approach. If you do not approach then there are still two good things that can happen. One is that the set will actually hook to your wing and the girl will get into him, and because he thinks he’s “approaching for a wing” then his own AA won’t trigger – trust me it happens like this. The other thing that can happen is that the girl will come right over and talk to you, which is also not a bad outcome.

10. Trance-states, mindfulness, state-shifting, etc.

State shifting is a huge topic on its own, but it’s worth a mention that one of the most effective ways to get out of a feeling of stiltedness is to reset or change your state in some way. There are a few ways of doing this, and there are numerous techniques which help to increase your capacity to do this. There are two techniques that I practice regularly that I CANNOT RECOMMEND HIGHLY ENOUGH.

i)                    Mindfulness meditation

I spend 10-60 minutes a day practicing formal non-judgemental awareness of the present moment. Mindfulness meditation has now been scientifically proven to give us greater control of our emotional mind, diminishing activity in parts of the brain associated with depression and anxiety, and increasing activity in the left pre-frontal cortex typically associated with positive emotions – http://video.google.co.uk/videoplay?docid=-1424079446171087119

ii)                   Practicing “states in front of the mirror

It always alarms me just how powerful this practice is. I have a full-length mirror in my room and I spend at least 10 minutes a day practicing, as in acting out, various states such as “Gung-ho motivation”, “Happiness”, “Flirtation” etc. Actors and businessmen have been using techniques like this for many many years.

Make the gestures, body motions, facial expressions, and if you want then actually say shit to yourself too. Such as “Good things just keep happening to me now!” or “Lets do this, let’s DO this, let’s DO THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WOoooooooooo!” You’ll be amazed at how much you can really affect your own state by doing this, as well as the added benefit that you get to practice your body and facial emotiveness which is attractive in and of itself.

RagsToRiches is a freelance journalist, self-development enthusiast, and complete party animal. Having discovered the community in Feburary 2007 he has gone from being an unemployed nerd with massive social anxiety, no friends, no money, and no life to being a successful cool party dude who gets laid with tons of awesome friends. His interests include travelling, writing, musical composition, pokemon impressions and howling like a wolf.

Sometimes you can talk to similar kinds of girls, but it’s like you’re two different people. On some occasions you roll up, bust out your choice line, and it just doesn’t go anywhere. You can feel it, it’s like there’s no energy to the conversation. It’s gone flat.

But then sometimes it’s just pure Harry Potter magic. You say one thing and it’s got her attention straight away, you follow up with something else equally awesome and she’s sold. Then it builds and builds and you’re on fire.

It’s all in how you start the conversation.

Now I’m not talking first impressions here. This is about you and your brain, not her. I’m talking about the kind of vibe you’re starting with.

If you start by asking boring questions/making boring statements, leaving any and all fun out of the conversation to begin with, you’re handicapping yourself, but not for the most obvious reasons. Not only are you handicapping yourself right now, but you’re also handicapping the rest of the conversation with this girl.

You see how you start is how you go on. Going with the above and being boring, your brain picks up on this. It thinks “hmm okay, time to be boring” and everything else you say from this point on is pulled from this side of your brain. Later on when you think of something to say, it’s coming from this boring part of your brain because that’s how you’ve set it up.

Now let’s roll through take two. You catch the eye of some young lovely lady who you’re 90% sure is over 16, and open with one of your best cocky-funny lines. What happens now is you set your brain up a different way, it now think “Alright, time to party!” and you’re now accessing this fun part of your brain.

Basically what you’re doing is starting the conversation the right way, not for her benefit, but for yours. Instead of starting with boring small talk and going down that route, you’re starting with something fun and going down that route instead.

However you start, your brain follows. Always better to set it up the right way (which is why I’m such a fan of pissing around, having fun).

Of course, this is a general rule and not a hard-and-fast one.

For starters, an interaction can always go one way or another. How many times have you started strongly only to mess it up at the least minute? And likewise how many times have you pulled off something awesome from nowhere?

The flow of a conversation can change at any point, and more often than not it’s far from straightforward. Starting a conversation the ‘wrong’ way isn’t a deal breaker, I’d consider it more of a handicap. You can start with boring spiel and do fine, but you’ll tend to get sucked into a boring way of thinking and struggle conversation-wise.

Why make things harder for yourself? If you’re gonna choose between two doors/paths, go for the easier, fun one. Make life that little bit easier for yourself.

Also, much like state, you don’t want to get into a habit of not approaching because things aren’t going the right way. Too often we think “no I’m not state in yet”, and there’s a similar risk with this.

Whatever happens, you still need to do your approaches.

Look, a fun conversation is always better than a boring/standard one, but a boring one is miles better than no conversation, stood with your dick in your hand.

Awesome conversation >> standard conversation >> no conversation >> sitting at home on Face book

One final point.

By “start of the conversation”, I mean in general. I don’t literally mean the first thing that comes out your mouth. I mean early on rather than right away, the earlier you bust out the fun mindset and get it up and running, the easier things will be.

Think of it like kino, the earlier you use it, the better.

That’s all there is to it. Start with the right kind of vibe, and you’ll make what follows that much more easier, fun and awesome.

Author Bio-
Having been a professional bitch of 19 years, Ty discovered the community in 2006. When not drunkenly sleeping with girls from his work, his interests include computer games, movies and colouring-in books. Ty prefers a more natural style of game, with a strong emphasis on fun and a healthy dose of cocky-funny.