NEL Blog

Archive for the ‘Self-Improvement’ Category

ASD – A girl’s strong desire to protect herself from being a “slut” or “easy”. Sometimes she only cares what others think of her, so you can seduce her in private. Other times she wants to believe herself that she is not a slut, and you have to overcome her barriers within herself.

Girls experience this feeling in the form of social anxiety. They get nervous, a tight feeling in their chest, they feel stifled, sometimes they want to run from the situation.

It’s the same as your escalation/approach anxiety … in fact escalation anxiety can be re-framed as “MALE ASD”… and her ASD is in fact exactly the same kind of anxiety barrier getting in the way of her getting sex from you as AA is a barrier to you laying her.

It’s the same SHIT!

What’s the real reframe here?

How many times have you been in set and ejected early? I used to do it tons.

That’s almost exactly the same as a chick spazzing out because of ASD.

Did it mean I didn’t want to fuck the chick when I ejected? No.

Does it mean she doesn’t want to fuck you when she ASDs?

No.

Side Question: Why do chicks drink alcohol?

Answer: To overcome ASD.

Help her overcome her social anxiety.

Bust through her ASD!

* Persist - she wants you
* Understand it could be her anxiety making her want to run, it’s not the choice she wants to make.
* Just like you can use weird ways of getting around your AA – tricking yourself, reframing, etc – you can use the same techniques on her.
* IE: Try changing things… her surroundings… her friends… even cooler and more subtle… just try literally facing her from a different angle (Genius!)
* Take responsibility… take total control of her and move her to grind/kiss… make it 100% your “fault”.

RagsToRich

Avoid Mental Masturbation

“For every 1 hour reading material, spend at least 2 hours in field.”
Brad P

If you’re not doing this, from this day you do it. Even if it’s 2 hours walking around a shopping mall doing “eye contact” experiments. Be strict, at least 2 hours for every 1 reading/watching.

Why?

Because otherwise all this shit is just entertainment to you… nothing more.

You cannot progress by reading and watching… there is a saying in Buddhism that the mastery is in the practice.

You must participate, you must act… there is no other way to learn properly. Things like kino, calibration, eye contact, vibing… these things can NOT be learning through watching and reading. You must practice… a lot.

Split it down even further…

Practice what you want to Improve

“When a noob is learning to become a carpenter in the workshop, the first thing they do is give him a plank of wood and a box of nails and ask him to keep nailing the nails into the plank until there is no visible wood left.

The next day the apprentice has a good feel for the hammer, the weight of the strike, how to correct nails which have entered the wood at a bad angle, etc.”
Mankite

This principle is identical in PU. If you need to learn how to tell jokes – tell a joke in every set. With analysis your progress will be faster still, but even with no analysis at all your emotional circuitry will auto-correct and you will get better at it just through the process.

Try learning how to be amazing joke-teller without telling any jokes in the process…

Not possible, no matter how many books you read.

Practice doesn’t have to be in field!

Although infield practice is crucial… not all practice has to be in field.

Here’s five examples of practice which can be done out of field:

1) Meditation
2) Practicing facial expressions in mirror
3) Practicing dance moves
4) Practicing massage
5) Voice exercises

What’s the moral?

Become more pragmatic!

RagsToRiches

This is an area I have a sick fascination with… in-fact I have been obsessed with the feeling of horniness my whole life.

There’s something incredibly appealing about walking around the city centre in the hot sun in a total haze of raging horniness – completely unable to think of anything but sexual thoughts.

Whether this is good for your game or not is debately. Personally I say yes, it’s awesome for your game. But I can understand why people may argue otherwise.

Regardless of the game benefits there are definite other benefits. Here’s two:

1) It feels totally amazing

2) It makes you think about sexual stuff all day

Here’s a run-down of the methods I’ve used to increase horniness and what I think about them.

Heavy lifting/physical fitness

Basically heavy-lifting to build muscle – max of 9 reps, if you can do more than 9 reps then it’s not heavy lifting and you need more weight.

Also separately – cardio which breaks through your second wind.

Has had a definite noticeable effect – particularly in the intensity of the wildness of my horniness, not necessarily the positive feeling itself.

Effectiveness – 6/10

Zinc, Magnesium, and Vit D

Take regularly just over RDA of all these things – supposedly maximises testosterone and minimises cortisol.

Honestly I’ve never been able to measure the effect of this, so no idea if these supplements are effective. I take them anyway.

Effectiveness – ?

Forcing Sexual Thoughts

Just start thinking about the shit that turns you on, but do it like once an hour. Set an hour-by-hour alarm on your phone/watch and every time it pings think about super-horny shit.

This method is particularly effective when combined with goat-weed or abstention style horniness rages.

Effectiveness – 7/10

Oysters and muscles

Tried on several occasions – unimpressed. No noticable effects – it’s a myth IMO. Any effect is placebo or just from sensation of eating slipery food.

Effectiveness - 2/10 

High-strength Garlic Pills – 5,000 mg

Forget odourless they are useless – you need to take odoured.

Take one or two when you know you do not need to smell nice, because the garlic will come out in your sweat for the next 12 hours.

Effects are basically increased occurrence and strength of erections – but actually horniness feeling/sensation does not feel better.

I tend to take them when I’m not going out, just to clear up the blood vessels.

Effectiveness – 6/10

Abstention from Masturbation

This is totally wild – only problem for me is I am a sucker for orgasms. But after 3-4 days things start to get insane in terms of horniness levels: feeling/sensations get totally maxed out, erections increase, etc.

Basically the most effective option.

Effectiveness – 10/10

Abstention from Orgasm

Masturbating is allowed – but no orgasms. For me this is not as effective as the above, I have a friend who claims it is MORE effective. I think where I go wrong is perhaps getting a little TOO CLOSE to the point of no return, which costs me in horniness gain.

Still – it’s still a lot better than banging one out three times a day.

Effectiveness – 7/10

Horny Goat Weed and Ginko

This stuff is truly amazing. Forget the 1-2 pills a day they recommend, you won’t really notice it, take 7-10 pills, the effect is outstanding. Complete horny obsession for 2-3 hours, rushing blood, and very strong feeling of wildness. I was really impressed with this “ancient Chinese herb” and I recommend any horniness fans give it a go.

I recommend simply supplements (google it) if you want to get this stuff, it’s cheap and effective. Just don’t over-do it – special occasions only.

Effectiveness – 9/10

Alright! PARTY time!!!!!!!!

RagsToRich

A large number of the people who find the community were not doing too great for themselves when they found it – me, for one.

I was without style, unemployed, living in a tip, chain smoking, over-weight, only a handful of low-status friends, etc.

The mistake is to then dive right into the PUA stuff; start learning about and practicing approaching, openers, kino etc.

But you’re not ready for that – if YOU are new and YOU do not have your life in order then work on that first.

Techniques are useless if your voice is so unused that you sound like Mickey Mouse, and your pastie white skin is reflecting the club lights right into HB9GetAwayFromMe’s look of disgust.

Do yourself a favour and sort your life out first!

Health

Start eating a well balanced diet particularly high on fish, nuts, and berries. Consider taking some supplements for the vits you are most likely to be deficient in – around 70% of people are deficient in magnesium. Consider Zinc also to maximise testosterone production – and vitamin D tablets in the dark winter months.

If you’re particularly pastie – get some sun. If you can’t, get on a sun bed – just a light dose is fine.

Take up a physical hobby – preferably a regular team sport or a martial art. The Gym will work too, but there are many other benefits to martial arts such as confidence, voice projection, mental discipline, etc. Why not maximise your time?

Start washing regularly for god sake. One-two showers a day, clean thoroughly, wear nice smelling products. Every bit of hair on your body should be either trimmed or shaved, nowhere should it be “left to nature” unless you’re going for a ragged head hair/beard joke/look. Brush your teeth 3 times a day, use mouth wash, and chew gum after consuming things likely to cause bad breath – bad breath is a NUCLEAR set killer.

Quit Smoking. End of. You can do it. I did.

Style

There’s tons of articles on style already so I don’t want to dwell on it. Basically find some celebs you like, find loads of pics of them, and get “inspired” by their style. Buy clothes which FIT well.

Career

Get a job, then get a better job, then get a better job. If you are unhappy with your current job, start looking for a new one TODAY. You need to be a positive person in your work environment – it’s a crucial part of your psychological health as much as anything else. But also women have a 6th sense for this kind of shit. If you hate your 2-bit job women will smell you a mile off and run for the hills.

I was unemployed when I found the community. I since found a job and then changed jobs three times, each time increasing my salary and responsibility.

Communicative Expressiveness

Take 5-10 minutes a day to do some voice exercises, focus on VOICE STRENGTH at first. FORGET “Booming” voice, that’s bull anyway. Work on a STRONG TONALITY… ultimately high-pitched and vibrant is way more attractive and a fake-boomy voice.

Shout as LOUD as you can for 5-10 minutes a day… woop, howl, work-out some exercises or google them whatever… get a job where you talk a lot, talk a lot to your friends etc.. start going to loud clubs and shouting instead of whispering.. your voice will get a lot better in a relatively short time.

Spend another 5-10 minutes in-frontof the mirror… communicate with yourself… this is an awesome technique for body-language and facial expressiveness. Do this right after watching some alpha films and you’ll find yourself able to practice some new expressions – girls notice this shit big-time. IF you’re good at communicating in this way it says – “I’m a cool guy, I communicate A LOT.”

Friends

DITCH all the friends who do not support your self-development… I mean TOTALLY cut them off: delete off face-book, delete number, ditch them – they are gone from your life.

Make new ones… martial arts, new job, game dudes if necessary, expand social circle… always AIM to make friends with the coolest guys and the guys who are getting girls. Always be on the lookout to expand your social circle. In one year you can go form having 2-3 friends, to have 50+ with a circle of 10ish “best-friends”.

Done all that? Alright, you’re ready to go pull now. 

RagsToRich

Perspective is everything in this, being able to take bad nights as part of the process. Can you think of any footballer who puts away every goal? Even Beckham messes up free kicks (nothing on the England keepers). You’ve probably heard all this before from lit-ra-ly millions of gurus, because they want your money.

I don’t want your money. I have a different motivation: altruism. Writing this altruistically gives me a massive e-penis.

We’re going to take a different perspective, today we look at the usefulness of your worst nights, at your most pussified. Those shocking nights where you’re pretty much as you started. Not just average or poor nights, the absolute worst

Yeah, those nights.

Would you believe these awful nights help show you something amazing, that they can show you some perspective that awesome, decent and even slightly bad nights can’t show you.

It shows just how far you’ve come

As we improve we raise our standards. The same guy struggling to approach is a year later struggling with LMR (or 2 years later struggling with AA again, check out my progress journal sometime…). We always look to that next juicy thing, and forsake where we’ve improved. For most of you guys approaching 10 women in a night isn’t a big deal. It’s not even false modesty, you just don’t see it as a big deal at all. It’s like putting on the kettle and making a brew.

Having said that, I do like to go into work and let every guy know just how many brews I made last night, how hot they all were, and how far I got with each one. I’m yet to manage two cups of tea at the same time though, making me a tea-chode.

As you grow and get better at this skill with women, you make all these little adjustments to your game. You realise lots of little things that come together to make you the pimp you are right now. Because most are very subtle, you make the next change and forget what you last improved on.

At some point you have an awful night. You get blown out of the 5 sets you do, your voice is weak, you have nothing interesting to say and can’t even keep eye contact with average girls. On the way back you feel like the biggest pussy in the world.

Don’t beat yourself up, you’ve just been shown an important lesson.

I came away from such a night a while back, and felt like shit. But then I started to realise all the things I’d improved on, all those minor (and major) changes. How I was more confident, funnier, didn’t feel the need to qualify myself, didn’t care so much what people thought. And the list went on.

It put a big smile on my face. I realised “shit, I’ve come a long long way. I’m like a different guy now”

When you’re out 4 nights a week and improving so fast, you lose sight of all this. These shit nights serve as a reminder just how far you’ve come along.

Author Bio-
Having been a professional bitch of 19 years, Ty discovered the community in 2006. When not drunkenly sleeping with girls from his work, his interests include computer games, movies and colouring-in books. Ty prefers a more natural style of game, with a strong emphasis on fun and a healthy dose of cocky-funny.

C&F, Take-aways, not leaning in, showing disinterest, NEGing… these are advanced techniques. They are meant to demonstrate that you’re not going to just submit all your value to someone just because they have a pussy.

Well guess what… that shit only works when two conditions are met:

1) you HAVE value in the first place

Most people do not have enough value to be using this kind of shit, especially heavily. Unless you’re a high-flying salesman, or just a super-cool dude already – you’d be much better off working on building up your value. As in, becoming a cooler dude to be around, to interact with, etc.

2) the chick you are talking to is used to guys submitting to her

Most CHICKS are NOT used to this. We’re not in Hollywood here, this is the North of England man… Our girls ARE LSE! Even the hot ones! They are not used to cool guys being cool to them.

Conclusion:

Fuck the disinterest side of shit – you can calibrate that later. First and foremost develop high value, or become what I think of as a value cannon.

General principles:

a) In each interaction focus on giving value, rather than outcome/whatever (Cred: Skill)

b) Show interest/attention.

What is a high value guy?

In social interactions, simply, is a dude who can create positive (addictive) emotions in the people around him. So people think, yea that’s the dude who makes everyone laugh or creates a party atmosphere, or always has a positive outlook, etc.

If you really need some work in this area you may want to consider forgetting about getting laid for now and for 2 weeks make a commitment – in EVERY social situation you are in you are to be the HIGHEST energy, the FUNNEST guy, and DEFINATELY the guy having the MOST FUN!!

Do that  – watch your popularity with everyone shoot.

Then do it 1-1 with chicks – works a lot better than being aloof right?

“If someone can’t chat me up, how can they expect to chat a girl up?” – Sideiei (PUA)

Awesome statement, 100% true. Apply to community dudes you meet… if they are not cool to hang around with dudes, no way girls will think they are cool either.

List of things you can do TODAY to increase your value to the people around you:

1) Always consider the most positive outcome.
2) Become a solution finder, instead of a problem finder.
3) Learn to tell good stories.
4) Learn to have the most fun… the dude having the most fun IS the most fun!
5) Never ever ever whine, complain, create problems, get in the way of plans, or even be TOO QUIET. If you’re in a bar and you’re in a group, and you’re not involved in a conversation - get involved in one and bring a positive energy to it.
6) Get in shape, smile more, clean yourself up – basically become more attractive to look at.
etc.

Be the value giver, the party bringer, the high-energy dude, the guy who makes everyone feel better about the situations, the optimist.

And forget NEGs completely.

See where it gets you.

RagsToRich

GUARENTEED RESULTS IN 30 DAYS!!!

SEX WITH MODELS IN LESS THAN 3 MONTHS!!

IN JUST ONE YEAR YOUR LIFE WILL BE TRANSFORMED INTO YOUR OWN PERSONAL PARIDISE!!

There is only one magic pill in this game…

A shit-load of serious effort!

You’re not in this for days, weeks, or months – you’re in it for years. This is a big life changing area and to get the BIG results you have to treat it as such.

Unless you’re already having pretty decent success with women – lots of kisses, a lay every other month, etc… then you should have no delusions about how long and how hard you’re going to have to go into this area to get to where you want to be.

Noone masters this game in weeks, or months. It takes years of serious dedication. Take Sleazyof mASF for example who now gets incredible rock-star style club lays several times a month. It took him about 18 months of going out 3-7 nights a week, sober every time, to go from a guy who gets a k-close 8/10 nights, to where he is now.

That is a lot of effort, a lot of time, and he’s coming from a relatively very-high starting point compared to where many of us start from.

Be prepared for the long haul.

Mini-guide: Preparation for the Long Haul

First create a deep powerful sense of motivation. Obsess about your goals, truly discover the reasons why you want to become a master of seduction, and make sure those reasons are firming implanted in your mind. You will need absolute determination in order to go through the challenges ahead – so create that determination from a very solid sense of what it is you want. This goal will now become the primary focus of your existence – so be prepared to justify strongly your reasons for putting huge amounts of effort into your self-improvement.

Put the time in field, make the time count, and have a good time while you’re going it. 1-2 nights a week will not cut it if you want serious progress, it’s 3-7. When you’re in field you should be approaching, if you’re not approaching at all you need to focus everything you have on approaching. You also have to have a good time – emotional health plus infield state is too important not too. If you’re not having a good time, work out how to have a good time and make sure you have one. Quick suggestions – meditation, NLP (model someone who’s a party-animal), do high energy shit, find some cool wings who you enjoy hanging around with.

When it seems like progress is slow, think about all the things you can do now that you never used to be able to. Then reflect on the problems you were facing 6-3 months ago, notice how they are less-advanced than the ones you are facing now. Also, remember this – http://www.northenglandlair.com/blog/the-secret-of-human-bipolarness/

Quick Tip: The Rare Successful – The Common Failures

I have found no area of life more challenging than this one – this is the ultimate challenge; which encompasses self-development, style, career, social interactions, social dynamics, fitness, etc etc…

For many many years there have been self-help books on how to become very rich – yet for all the millions who have read them only a very small number become successful. You could read those books today, work very hard, and be successful with money – that is the world we live in.

This area is just like that.

Are you going to be one of the few who really does make it, getting the success with chicks that you want, or are you going to be just another dude who read a bunch of material, did a bunch of challenges, indulged in self-challenge, but didn’t work hard enough to make it happen?

RagsToRiches

The word alphaness did not appear in this article’s title because it’s a word which misled me for some time. I used to think of alphaness as a kind of social dominance -taking control over other people, not being pushed around, etc.

I think that kind of understanding of alphaness is weak, and counter-productive.

I recently accepted alphaness back into my identity after leaving it by the wayside for a long time. What caused me to do this is a new understanding of what real lady killers mean by being alpha.

It means two things:

Leadership – leading women to sex

You are the one taking the lead, especially during anything going on before the first lay. You have to develop this willingness to step-up in all situations, so that in these important ones you actually have the drive to do it.

You lead an approach, you lead the escalation, you lead her to isolation, you take all the social risks (showing interest, going for kiss, etc), and then you lead an extraction.

Leading women is simply the only way you can provide her with the hot sex she really desires. 99.9% of the time a girl will not have the ability/willpower/confidence/whatever to overcome her own social bullshit (ASD) and make sex happen; even though in her mind she is basically begging to the gods that it will.

Remember your AFC days when you would beg in your mind about some girl you like… “Please let her notice me, please let her notice me.” but there’s no way in hell back then you would have had the balls to walk up and tell her that you’d love to fuck her.

Well ASD is just like that. The chick is saying “please let him lead me away and fuck me, please let him lead me away and fuck me.”. But there is no way in hell she will be able to verbalise that or make it happen without your Alpha leadership.

Determinism – maintaining the integrity of your lead

You take full responsibility for the consequences of your lead. If you take the chick to another room in the club and it’s loud, sweaty, and uncomfortable; then you fucking deal with it. You find a way around it, you ignore it, or whatever, but its your situation which you created and you will take responsibility for that. This goes all the way from situations like this, to ultimately taking responsibility for the fact that you fucked her brains out – therefore it’s all your fault that she had multiple orgasms with some random club dude; again we’re protecting them from their own ASD.

Nothing gets in your way – you remain unphased and goal-focused. You can and will if necessary stand alone for your beliefs and your cause; even if a room full of people tries to subdue you.

You are not only persistant in your goals, but also you throw yourself into them with full pelt. This is determinism.

When you approach a girl on the dance-floor by grabbing her hand you do not pat her hand lightly and wait for her to clasp back – that actually does work very rarely but it’s weak as fuck.

You fucking GRAB her hand and MAKE her turn around, then you TELL her to spin and after she complies you PULL her into you. You do this shit with a kind of masculine determination.

The “why” isn’t so important in this case, it probably goes back to some pre-seeded evolved circuitry in the amydla which is about her determining that if she goes off with you that you can kick the shit out of anyone who tries to mess with either of you.

What do chicks do in order to see that you have this quality? They poke at your integrity with something we call “shit-tests”.

Best way to deal with that shit? Develop genuine determinism. Unphased, goal-focused, ignore her shit, lead her strong.

I remember reading a BradP report where he gets all the way to the chicks house, it looks like the chick is going to not let him in. Then he comments his thoughts at the time, “… I was 100% prepared to go back to the club.” Of course 5 minutes later she is sucking him off in her apartment.

Give her the sexual adventure that she has been dreaming of for years.

You have a willingness to step-up
You take the lead
You take responsibility
You lead with determination

You get laid

RagsToRiches

It’s not always smooth running… occasionally you have a hiccup.

You have a half-arsed night out with a handful of sets, maybe lethargic reactions and maybe no closes. Afterwards you may think about all the opportunities you should have taken up, all the things you know you can do but for some reason on that night did not. Maybe you even realise later you had passed up an easy shot at a lay which you know you could have secured with skills you have displayed on other nights; but on that night things just weren’t clicking, and you just weren’t on…

When you have a night or two like this it’s not just a case of taking away what areas of improvement you can, realising where you could have done something different or better, etc. There’s more at work here than just technique… there’s a naturally flowing PUA form – sometimes you’re on, sometimes you’re not. The importance of understanding this is to know that a bad night is just a one off, and that relatively poor nights are just bound to happen. There are two varying factors which affect this.

The first is your base emotional state. I don’t know anyone who doesn’t, to varying degrees, have a fluctuating emotional state – I call it human bipolarness. Literally everyone I know has a few days when they don’t feel as great as usual, and other days when they feel totally on top of the world. This doesn’t just apply to PUAs, or even self-development enthusiast, this is even the case for chodes, normal people, etc. Even people whose life remains the same day after day after year still have these peaks and troughs in emotional state. So it’s important to realise that if you’re having an off night, or maybe have just been feeling down for a day or two, it’s possibly just a natural fluctuation that you’ll come firing out the other side of imminently.

There’s a number of things you can do to minimise the troughs in this regard, some of which you may want to consider are:

1)      Regular exercise
2)      Keeping in good shape
3)      Eating a healthy balanced diet ensuring no deficiencies particularly in things like Vit D, Zinc, Mag.
4)      Mindfulness Meditation
5)      Cleanliness (surroundings and personal hygiene)
6)      Cut drug/drink intake; including illegal drugs, minimising caffeine, alcohol, quitting smoking, etc.

The second major cause of performance fluctuations is experienced due to a function of how humans perform when learning to master any particular area. The journey to mastery is not a straight line of progress; it’s a curvy peak and trough style graph. This is why perseverance is held in such regard with highly successful people, because it will be at a time when you are apparently doing worse than you were previously that suddenly your ability will shoot through to the next level. Many highly successful businessmen experienced a time of relative poor performance just before they had the defining success of their careers.

The only solution to this kind of fluctuation is perseverance. It is simply a quality of the human condition that your ability level will fluctuate as you take on new information and apply that information in field.

Understanding of this isn’t really that important, the only important thing is to realise that improvement is not an ever-growing graph. You have ups and downs, so be ready for them: whenever you feel that progress has been slow, or that things haven’t been working out for the best, that’s the time to really dig in, to push like hell, and to come catapulting out the other side.

RagsToRiches

Getting laid without approaching is rare (but not impossible), leaves few options, requires luck, and is basically not something any man should rely on. Most of the time approaching is the one action which is absolutely necessary to put you and a chick on the path to having sex with each other.

Unless you have absolutely no problem approaching, in which case you already have a trait most people would consider that of a natural, then you will by now be well aware of that feeling the community refers to as Approach Anxiety. The feeling can verge from stifling to paralytic, and the logical arguments the brain makes up come in all kinds of forms – “I don’t have enough energy”, “I’ll do it in a minute”, “They look like they are not out to pull/have boyfriends/other random disqualifier reason”. The truth is you can only find out what the deal with a chick is by talking to her.

Here are ten tips for becoming a prolific approacher.

1. Always be prepared to have to face and overcome AA

There is no way to diminish AA fast – literally there really is no magic pill. It is caused by deep rooted emotional circuitry in your brain; these habits change slowly and die hard. Forget any dreams of defeating your AA in weeks or even months – it takes years of field work (often agreed to be approximately 2-5 years of regular approaching). Over time the feeling gradually diminishes, but even some of the best PUAs in the world have to still overcome, or “barrel-through”, the feeling to make it happen.

Getting caught “off guard” by AA is a common mistake that me and many of my wings used to make. After having a prolific night of approaches we would go out another night and expect to be in the same mode as the night before, but it’s just not the case. Go in prepared to have to overcome your AA every night you go out, that way you won’t get caught up time-wasting.

2. Warm-ups

There is no doubt that just approaching strangers and asking shit diminishes your AA in the short-term. Even dumb questions like “What’s the time?” or “Can you tell me where the nearest cash-point/coffee shop/bar is?” But you should be able to coax yourself into approaching just by telling yourself that you’ll just be asking a quick easy normal question. A great time for warm-ups is whilst walking to your sarging spot/venue –best to do them before you get there so that by the time you arrive you are already in approach mode.

3. Rejections

Brad P said that nothing kills his AA for the rest of the night than a good solid rejection early on. This is a great mindset to have, so instead of being afraid of an early rejection you should embrace the opportunity. Take hold of the freedom that a horrid rejection presents you with – the worst of the night is over.

4. Time-limit challenges.

If you haven’t done any approaches in the night yet, give yourself 5 minutes to approach. Tell your wing so that you put extra weight behind your commitment. Over the next 5 minutes do not allow yourself to be too distracted by anything else, look for every opportunity to get into set – you’ll find one.

5. Pump your state

There’s no doubt that if you’re in a good mood and high energy state that approaching is much easier. This is a technique I use a lot and there are plenty of ways to achieve it; for example doing really loud animal impressions with each other, just generally whooping and creating a fuss, dancing around, etc. Basically pump your own, and your wing’s, buying temperature and then plough straight into a set when you feel high energy.

6. Enjoy your time in set

When I am in set, 99% of the time I am the guy having the most fun. I am having more fun than the guys, more fun than the girls. I go in set, and basically entertain myself, flirt, play around, banter, tell stories, I love it. There are a few reasons why this is awesome – not the least of being that it helps to associate those positive feelings with the anchor of approaching.

7. Do a few shots

I can just imagine a few people recoiling in disgust at this comment. There’s no doubt that ultra-confident totally sober dude holds all the aces. However, that’s an ideal and it’s far from the reality of most people. If you do like to drink on a night out, rather than having 4 beers over the course of 5 hours; do 3 quick shots in the space of 5 minutes right at the start of the night. You will get an immediate energy boosts which will allow you to immediately start a chain of approaches to kick-start the sarge. I’ve used this technique many times – and it’s a well known method to naturals.

8. Think up some openers you feel COMFORTABLE with which YOU enjoy

It’s important to emphasise that it is you that should feel comfortable with, and be entertained by, your canned openers. Because it’s really only your own reaction to them that matters, what you’re saying to the girls is almost completely unimportant as long as it’s something you find fun/cool/comfortable to say. A few of mine I’ve used over the past few months:

“Woah! Are you a rock-chick?” (emo-kid/indie-girl/raver)

They almost always say “no” but then you can easily steer them into qualification mode.

“Would you say that guys with tongue piercings are better at giving oral sex?”

I love this one because it’s instantly sexual, and I personally love giving oral sex so my eyes kinda light-up when I talk about it. Girls love that.

“Please tell me you guys would not think of cardigans/hoodies/gold-chains/whatever as a timeless classic…”

A very ‘safe’ opener with no obvious transitions; but usually spikes a little bit of interest due to the ear-catching “timeless classic” phrase (cred: Big T).

9. Negative wing motivation.

This is a great method. Your wing gives you 10 seconds to approach (he COUNTS on his fingers and looks menacing), if you don’t do it then he goes up to the chick and says something along the lines of:

“Hey… I just wanted to tell you that my typically average guy friend over there has seen you and fallen madly in love because he thinks you’re really beautiful. He is actually far too afraid to come and talk to you so he’s just going to stand over there and be scared and shy instead.”

This is great for a few reasons. First of all the embarrassment of knowing what’s to come will often make you approach. If you do not approach then there are still two good things that can happen. One is that the set will actually hook to your wing and the girl will get into him, and because he thinks he’s “approaching for a wing” then his own AA won’t trigger – trust me it happens like this. The other thing that can happen is that the girl will come right over and talk to you, which is also not a bad outcome.

10. Trance-states, mindfulness, state-shifting, etc.

State shifting is a huge topic on its own, but it’s worth a mention that one of the most effective ways to get out of a feeling of stiltedness is to reset or change your state in some way. There are a few ways of doing this, and there are numerous techniques which help to increase your capacity to do this. There are two techniques that I practice regularly that I CANNOT RECOMMEND HIGHLY ENOUGH.

i)                    Mindfulness meditation

I spend 10-60 minutes a day practicing formal non-judgemental awareness of the present moment. Mindfulness meditation has now been scientifically proven to give us greater control of our emotional mind, diminishing activity in parts of the brain associated with depression and anxiety, and increasing activity in the left pre-frontal cortex typically associated with positive emotions – http://video.google.co.uk/videoplay?docid=-1424079446171087119

ii)                   Practicing “states in front of the mirror

It always alarms me just how powerful this practice is. I have a full-length mirror in my room and I spend at least 10 minutes a day practicing, as in acting out, various states such as “Gung-ho motivation”, “Happiness”, “Flirtation” etc. Actors and businessmen have been using techniques like this for many many years.

Make the gestures, body motions, facial expressions, and if you want then actually say shit to yourself too. Such as “Good things just keep happening to me now!” or “Lets do this, let’s DO this, let’s DO THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WOoooooooooo!” You’ll be amazed at how much you can really affect your own state by doing this, as well as the added benefit that you get to practice your body and facial emotiveness which is attractive in and of itself.

RagsToRiches is a freelance journalist, self-development enthusiast, and complete party animal. Having discovered the community in Feburary 2007 he has gone from being an unemployed nerd with massive social anxiety, no friends, no money, and no life to being a successful cool party dude who gets laid with tons of awesome friends. His interests include travelling, writing, musical composition, pokemon impressions and howling like a wolf.