NEL Blog

By SteviePUA

Going ‘under the radar’ is very powerful because it helps avoid any objections. Gaining influence indirectly over someone is a process with many strands. One of these strands is the ‘foot in the door’ mechanism, which I use as a variation of pacing and leading.

Let’s say you want someone to do something or to think in a particular way. It is powerful to begin by saying or doing something which is acceptable to them. Don’t go for the bigger result immediately. Give them something they can readily accept. Once a small request has been granted, it is far easier to then progress to a bigger request. The opposite approach to this (which can work well too) is to go for a bigger request than the one you really want, and when that is refused, you then give your actual (smaller) request which is then seen as much more acceptable in comparison to the big request.

Pacing and leading works similarly to ‘foot in the door’ – you say something which can be verified as being true in that person’s experience. You follow this up with something else and something else (also verifiable) and then add in something (your suggestion) which may or may not be quite so verifiable. Because your previous statements were seen as true and were accepted, the tendency is for the person to accept the suggestion. As a person is thinking about these ideas and reading the articles that I have written, you can notice the environment around you and begin to realise how powerful this knowledge can be when used in the right circumstances. That lets you notice that sense of curiosity and wanting to find out more. See?

This becomes even more powerful when the suggestions you use are initially easily acceptable and are amped up once the foot in the door has been gained. It is about gaining leverage into the person’s way of thinking.

Other ways of gaining leverage can come from being seen as an authority, or from showing remarkable insight, understanding and connection with how the person sees the world. The latter largely depends on well-developed calibration skills. If your calibration skills are excellent, you can accurately read how the other person is thinking and feeling about you. This can allow you to pre-empt any objections before they are consciously voiced or before they become set in stone in the person’s conscious mind.

Quite often I see people unconsciously displaying the beginnings of an objection to my leading or suggestions, and because I catch these objections before they become properly formed (thus avoiding battling the ‘consistency agenda’ people feel they should stick to), I am able to avoid the objection. How do you avoid the objection? As soon as you see the beginnings or doubt or objection being displayed non-verbally, you soften your request and slide into vaguer language – looking again for a ‘bite’.

A bite is the opposite of the unconscious objection. I also think of it as a ‘hit’. This is when the person displays (usually non-verbally) that you have said something which has had a big impact. It shows you have found something of importance to that person – a potential in-road to their mental/emotional world. This comes from displaying an understanding of how they see the world.

Look, most people move through life feeling rather lonely and not understood. If you can enter that person’s life in way which is enjoyable and acceptable to them and display rare insight into what is important to them, then you become one in a million and your value skyrockets. That gives tremendous leverage. The fact that you have gained this leverage from your calibration skills and not from the usual methods people use (such as asking direct questions) adds to how remarkable your understanding of them seems – this increases your connection and leverage cumulatively.

 

-SteviePUA

www.steviePUA.com

 

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