NEL Blog

Today’s an important one, this separates the men from the boys, and the cool kids from the not-so-cool kids. This was hands down one of the most important things I realised in all this.

People do things for all kinds of reasons, they talk for all kinds of reasons. Sometimes it’s nice and fluffy; friends sharing experiences, pissing around together, having a laugh about something. When your down the pub with your mates and it’s just awesome, yeah those kinds of times.

It’s not always so pure though. More often people talk to indulge their egos, boast about how cool they are for whatever reason, get some point across or have some kind of agenda.

Yes it’s the dreaded “E” word the community has such a hard-on for these days. I’m not gonna go too deep down this route, it’s best left to German sounding people and other guys who’s names start with “Ty….”.

Motive is what separates cool and fuckable guys from guys who aren’t, the reasons for what they say and do.

Today’s important lesson (remember this, it’s important):

“Talk for the fun of talking itself. Not to prove a point or get some kind of agenda across”

Or:

“Talk for the sake of talking”

The best conversations are agenda free, there’s no real point to them other than letting off some steam and joking around. Think back to the last time you had an awesome time with your boys, there wasn’t an agenda, no point to prove. You were all just talking about nothing.

Here’s where a lot of guys go wrong, they have something they want to force in the conversation. They want you to know about something awesome they did recently, how they pulled the other night, some kind of point they want to get across. These are negative motivations for talking, they’re an agenda. Not only are they not fun, but they take over a conversation.

Typically a guy thinks of something awesome he wants to say and waits for a break in the conversation to drop it in. Problem is he misses everything that’s said (and the point of the conversation), and with no sense of timing just throws it out there. He then ruins a decent conversation.

Very bad news.

Now there’s nothing wrong with this kind of conversation in itself, everything had a time and place. Maybe you just bought a new car and have to tell someone, that’s cool. Maybe your mate asked you if you pulled last night, that’s cool. These things themselves are fine.

The problem is when you get into a habit of doing it, when it takes over conversations.

A conversation should be about fun, nothing else. If you need a motive, make it having the most fun you can have right now.

Lose the agenda when you talk, have your mind blank. The whole “being in the now” comes in handy here, in a conversation you should be focused on what’s happening right there and then, nothing on your mind you’re trying to force in.

You’ll find this brings out your better, funnier and more social side. People will enjoy being around you a lot more.

Usually it’s when you have some kind of negative agenda that things go wrong. I find that when I use stupid openers, if they’re to make me laugh 9 times out 10 they’ll hook. If it’s to somehow impress the girl I’m talking to or I feel it’s a “magic” opener, it starts to fuck up and that’s where I see shit tests.

Motive is everything.

And let’s not get confused, fucking a girl, talking to her, having a laugh with her, bantering with her, winding her up because you find it funny; these are all good motives. You don’t need to be ‘pure’. What you want to avoid is anything ego related, having some sinister reason for whatever it is you’re doing.

So remember:

Talk for the sake of talking

Author Bio-
Having been a professional bitch of 19 years, Ty discovered the community in 2006. When not drunkenly sleeping with girls from his work, his interests include computer games, movies and colouring-in books. Ty prefers a more natural style of game, with a strong emphasis on fun and a healthy dose of cocky-funny.