NEL Blog

We’ve talked an awful lot about conversation, more than enough for you to go out there and play around with. Tonight we make soap, and do some good old fashioned pickup advice.

What does ‘tension’ suggest to you?

You’re probably thinking about an awkward pause in a conversation, the unbearable tension where you feel this weight on you. You’re riding it out because you’re an awesome guy but you can definitely feel it.

Let’s roll with this for a minute.

It’s really useful to understand that tension, and laughter, are linked. Imagine you hear a noise in your kitchen, slowly open the door, and – holding your breath – look inside. It’s just your cat trying to open a cupboard. You give out a little laugh and smile, you feel that tension disappear.

Laughter diffuses tension, it releases it.

When a friend says something a little too harsh, they’ll follow it with an awkward laugh. When no-one laughs at your joke and it goes silent, you laugh to fill in that void, to release the tension.

A little trick for you tonight. Roll up on a girl and say a harsh cocky-funny line with a straight face (without looking like a psycho), “It’s amazing what they can do with a fiver haircut”. I guarantee she’ll laugh.

You’re creating tension, and she laughs to diffuse it. There’s a careful balance to this, but try it out and you’ll see exactly what I mean. This is the reason straight-faced comedians like Jack Dee work, they create tension which we (the audience) diffuse with laughter.

Play around with this, but don’t overdo it. You’re basically tricking the girl into laughing, it doesn’t work over any period of time, and you’re going to make her feel awkward. It’s cool to see how this works, but it’s not the kind of thing I’d recommend for guys to seriously use. It’s more important that you see how all this works.

As well as using tension to generate laughter, you can use laughter to release tension.

Say you’re running a set and it’s going great, but the conversation’s slowing down and it’s starting to get a little awkward. Tension is being created. By cracking a joke you both laugh and it releases that tension, you don’t feel as awkward now and neither does she.

When you get a good grasp of this, you can use laughter as a controller on tension, and vice-versa.

Here’s another side note on tension, tension is linked to the strength of a frame. You know those awkward pauses? Whoever can handle a silent pause the longest without saying anything or defusing the tension, ‘wins’ the frame. They display having the stronger frame.

Imagine the difference between her laughing while you keep a straight face, and you laughing whilst she keeps a straight face.

When you’re mid-conversation with some girls and there’s a pause, ride it out. Filling that gap or diffusing the tension shows you’re affected by it. Being able to ride it out however shows you don’t place too much on the conversation and looks all kinds of good.

Being able to comfortably ride tension is an amazing skill to have.

(For more about humour and tension I’d recommend David DeAngelo’s “Cocky Comedy” DVDs)

Awkward pauses however, are only one side of it. We also have sexual tension.

Sexual tension is pretty much the same as the regular kind. It’s linked to laughter (which releases some of its effect) and can be messed with the same way.

However, you want to handle sexual tension the total opposite to normal tension.

Sexual tension is great, it’s that brief pause where you look into the girl’s eyes just before the kiss. It’s the promise of sex without the action. Girls fucking love this and you should learn to enjoy it too. Being able to genuinely enjoy and revel in sexual tension will help you out so much.

On a side note foreplay doesn’t begin with you touching her, it begins with the build-up of sexual tension. The bigger the build up, the bigger the release (I.e. better sex).

The more sexual tension you can create the better.

With standard tension sometimes it gets too much and you want to release it a little with laughter. With sexual tension you don’t want to release it, and therefore why you want to limit the laughter and pissing around.

If you create a ton of sexual tension then keeping joking around, it’s going to undo all that. You’ll ruin the mood.

So you ratchet up the sexual tension and don’t release it. You purposefully avoid humour and the release of that tension. You’re making tension work for you.

Bear this in mind if you’re going the sexual state route. For those of you not familiar GunWitch has some pretty cool stuff on this (although I do disagree with some of the other points he makes). You literally imagine yourself banging a girl right there and then, and put yourself in that sexual mindset. Your voice gets deeper, you develop ‘bedroom eyes’ and  have that sly little smile. Also, you project your own – sexual – state onto her, and she starts feel horny for no apparent reason.

Sexual state is a great way to start building tension, and if you throw any humour in it’s going to diffuse this. Of course there’s always times to break this, and you might want to tone down the sexual tension a bit if it’s too much for her or the timing’s wrong.

Ultimately be aware that laughter diffuses tension, whether it’s standard, awkward or the sexual kind. How you want to play with it, is entirely up to you.

Author Bio-
Having been a professional bitch of 19 years, Ty discovered the community in 2006. When not drunkenly sleeping with girls from his work, his interests include computer games, movies and colouring-in books. Ty prefers a more natural style of game, with a strong emphasis on fun and a healthy dose of cocky-funny.