NEL Blog

Remember when you were a kid and it was Christmas Eve, and you were waiting for that big, fat, sexy present? You’d make it out to be the coolest thing ever and couldn’t wait to get it. You’d think about it over and over, how you were gonna show it off to your friends, all the cool shit it could do, the hours of fun you were gonna get out of it.

It was basically the shit. Expect you couldn’t say it was the shit because you were like 12 and your mum didn’t approve of swearing, and would beat “the shit” out of you. It was damn cool though, and “damn” was allowed.

It was all you’d think about.

It’s amazing how much power what we think and say has. You’ll all be familiar with this via NLP, affirmations and positive talk. If you’ve no idea what I mean then you’re not a proper PUA, you’re cheating and can get out. You’re not allowed back until you research the power of words in openers, specifically “What date is it…..WHAT YEAR?!?!”

When you think about something you give it a certain status in your mind. If you think about it now and then, it stays as casual or “not a big deal” in your mind. You only think about tidying your room now and then because it isn’t a big deal.

If you don’t think it any longer, it becomes insignificant or “I don’t give a shit” in your head. To most community guys, this would be rejection on a night out.

However, if you think about something more, you give it a bigger status in your mind. The more you think about it, the bigger the status it has. If you talk about something if gives it a bigger status, and the more you talk about it the more status you give it. Your mind marks it as “well this is quite important”.

Anything you do that involves thinking about it, the more of it you do the bigger the status you give it. If you try to solve or work out something, you’re automatically giving it a bigger status in your mind. You’re turning it into “this is quite a big fucking deal”.

So you have guys with one-itis and/or they think they’re in love. They meet the girl and think she’s amazing. So they think about how they’re going to win her over, what could go wrong, the best way to do X/Y/Z, what she likes, how much chance they’ve got etc. They think over all these possibilities and permutations.

Here’s the problem. Although their intensions are good (as guys we like to work shit out), by thinking about this girl over and over – it doesn’t matter why or if it’s a good or bad reason – they’re making the girl out to be a “big fucking deal”.

So their mind plays along and thinks “okay, she’s a big deal….shit, I need to win her over now because she’s important”

Throw in some rationalisations and the guy’s convinced that he’s in love with her.

Think of this as a warning (or to some of you, answers). You might not get one-itis but all the thinking, working her out and deciding what tactics to use is still gonna make that girl into a big deal. At the very least, it’ll make you needy. All your tactics won’t mean shit because it’s coming from a needy frame.

So what’s the best way of balancing all this? Moderation of course, balance is always the answer.

There’s nothing wrong in throwing in some tactics, getting advice from a mate, or working out the best way to move forwards with a particular girl. I do this myself (as Clipper well knows…). It’s when you do it too much it becomes a problem, when you’re brain goes from “she’s not that big a deal” to “holy shit she’s the one, watch me turn needy”.

Instead, work out what you need to, get a nice idea of what you’re doing next, then drop it.

Leave it.

Don’t talk about it anymore, until you absolutely have to.

Don’t then try to work out every possibility or keep banging on about it. Get it worked out so you’ve a solid idea of what you now need to do, then drop it and don’t even think about it until either the time comes for action or there’s some major change.

How do I know this? Because I’m fucking guilty of this all the time. I go from being a pimp in the girl’s eyes (and having her wrapped round my finger) to being some weird chodey little dude. And 90% of the time it’s simply because I tried to work that girl out too much.

Of course there’s the flip side. Girls I haven’t cared about and have put little to no thought into ‘working out’ I don’t get needy over, they’re marked as “not a big deal”. These girls also love me.

Because when a guy gets one-itis, it’s basically the same thing as that kid on Christmas Eve…

Author Bio-
Having been a professional bitch of 19 years, Ty discovered the community in 2006. When not drunkenly sleeping with girls from his work, his interests include computer games, movies and colouring-in books. Ty prefers a more natural style of game, with a strong emphasis on fun and a healthy dose of cocky-funny.