NEL Blog

by Wicked

I used to be needy and as well as negative about how people would react to me, especially women. What it guaranteed is that people didn’t want to interact with me creating a vicious circle and reinforcing my belief that it was my job, my hobbies, my clothes, my body, my conversational ability, etc being the reason why people didn’t want to be with me.

Imagine in a 5 minute interaction with a girl who has some choice of men. Saying stuff like ‘people never seem to want to meet up’ or checking that they aren’t going flake, or trying to ensure they don’t flake and all the rest or perhaps even being a little bit cold because you feel if you put too much energy/effort into it you’ll get disappointed – well it’s just guaranteeing that you’ll come across needy. Or trying too hard to monopolise attention, organise a day 2 ASAP, etc… Being negative isn’t good either for other reasons, but consider being needy. If it’s on your mind, you focus on it, telegraph it and it becomes self-fulfilling.

Needy isn’t good, it makes you do weird things as well as the whole stereotype that you’re going to be clingy / suffocating.

Get this… I was talking to a Spanish woman over the net for a few months to improve my Spanish and improve her English. She was low self-esteem and needy (telegraphed strongly by being completely adverse to being judged in any way, and appologising for the slightest inconvenience – eg. wasn’t able to give me full attention while she was working, or couldn’t reply to my MSN).

Now to me that suggests if I dated such a woman, she would be acting all strange or off with me the moment I talked to another woman, or would be worshipping the ground I walked on just in case I stopped liking her.

Well anyway, just after she comes back from a holiday she stops being so responsive. One of the reasons she is counciling a friend who is getting divorced. I tell her that she really doesn’t need to appologise all the time, if she can’t respond I know/respect she is busy. The next day there is a weird conversation about her not being in a good mood because someone wasn’t what she thought they were. And then she blocked me.

That is weird behaviour.

What actually happened I believe is that she was talking to her ex-husband (or they hadn’t fully separated). In a way I was filling in for him, and there were a lot of IOIs. He came back in the picture and now I’m no longer needed (or she feels that having me there will cause problems or make him jealous). Perhaps she was considering me as a replacement and had this fantasy that I would drop everything and just move over to Spain to be with her. This may have been shattered when I hadn’t been able to arrange a meet up with another Spanish friend of mine. She could have told me all of this. In fact she SHOULD have told me all of this, and I would have understood. But no, she acted strange and made it seem like it was my fault. She was making me feel bad, especially as I thought I had a good friendship and liked the company, yet it almost certainly wasn’t my fault.

That is why needy people get shunned. They don’t act normal.

If you start feeling the pangs of neediness or negativity get it out of your system. Talk about it to trusted friends or perhaps us, but then drop it. Focus on the positives and what you can do to get what you want, and you never know, you might actually get it.

by Wicked

One Response to “Why needy is bad”